


이 자리에 (Always)

by ShirayukiSayaka



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Hanahaki after effects, Heavy Angst, Light to Angst, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, You Have Been Warned, mentions of other wanna one members - Freeform, plenty of Produce 101 and Wanna One Go references, switching POVs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-01-10 16:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12303300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShirayukiSayaka/pseuds/ShirayukiSayaka
Summary: Seongwoo held up his clenched fist and saw some hints of color peeking out between the spaces of his fingers. He was hesitant at the sight but he had to confirm on what that could have been earlier. So when he opened his hand, the sight alone filled him with dread. On his very palm were colorful tulip petals that stared back at him with its mocking bright colors.





	1. Produce 101 pt.1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was basically inspired by a previous Hanahaki AU entitled "Bittersweet" by thisseemslikefun. I made me friend read it and we ended up thinking of other scenarios and this is one of those scenarios that I came up with soooo yeah 
> 
> (( constructive criticism is appreciated ))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically the story taking place during the 1st half of the entire Produce 101 season 2 series with made-up stories in between.

Ong Seongwoo didn’t know anyone else when he joined Produce 101.

 

He was the only trainee that Fantagio sent to the show to get some exposure. To describe his current situation, nervous was pretty much an understatement. When he entered the set for the auditions, only him and the two Starship trainees were there. He gazed at the 101 chairs and felt overwhelmed when he stood in front of the same set of chairs that he used to see in tv.

 

Seongwoo started to climb the steps and greeted the two trainees before he contemplated on sitting at the #1 seat at the very top of the stairs. While he still felt brave, he took his time climbing the steps before chickening out in the last minute and turning to the left at the chair with the giant 2 plastered onto it. Soon enough, the room started to get crowded with the entrance of the remaining 98 trainees.

 

In the midst of all the trainees entering, a certain pink-haired boy caught his eye. _No way, can it be?_ He leaned a bit closer to the edge to get a good look at the boy’s face before it registered into his mind. “Oh God, it's actually him!” Seongwoo was amazed that they would meet again under such circumstances.

 

It was Kang Euigeon, that kid he grew up with in elementary school before he moved to Canada because of his father’s job. He could clearly remember how they met as if it was yesterday. It was ridiculous really, but they were children after all.

 

_It was a typical Monday morning in the elementary school with children running around playing with their friends. While in the sandbox by the corner was a lone boy with the strangest name, Ong Seongwoo. Some of the kids found it strange while others made fun of him by calling him every word that the contained the ‘Ong’ character. He didn’t mind what they thought of him as long as people wouldn’t bother him just to make fun his name. This is how he ended to trying to build a sandcastle all by himself with the struggles of remembering how his dad made it for him last summer. 5 minutes later, he was getting some progress done when suddenly the sand castle disappeared in the blink of an eye (literally). Seongwoo blinked in utter confusion before a ball to his right caught his attention. “I’m so sorry!” said a voice from his left so he turned and saw a younger boy with his brows furrowed in worry when he saw what happened. “I’m sorry.. I guess I kicked it too hard out of excitement..” the newcomer said with an apologetic frown._

 

_Ah, so that's what happened._

 

_Seongwoo looked at the boy and gave him a smile, “No, it's fine. I was just starting anyway”. The boy still seemed apologetic no matter how much Seongwoo tried to reassure him that he didn’t mind what happened to his so-called sandcastle. For the upteenth time, Seongwoo was about to say it's fine before the younger boy interrupted him. “I know! I can help you rebuild it!” he said with a smile that could rival the sun’s brightness. Seongwoo blinked in confusion before giving in to the kid’s idea just to make him stop apologizing. “Alright alright, let's do it together!” The boy flashed his blinding smile and stretched out his hand “I’m Kang Euigeon! Nice to meet you!” Seongwoo flashed a genuine smile and shook the boy’s outstretched hand. “Ong Seongwoo”._

 

To think they’d meet again was truly a surprise. But that thought was brushed off from his mind when the trainers suddenly entered to start the rank evaluations. His thoughts snapped back to reality and his nerves slowly crept their way throughout his body making his palms all sweaty.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

At this point, majority of the trainees have already finished their performance. So far, only Brave Entertainment’s Kim Samuel has received an ‘A’ which made him all the more nervous. When the trainers asked if there was anyone confident in getting an A, a sudden surge of courage overcame him and kept his hand raised. With that simple gesture, he gained at least a bit of confidence enough to keep him calm as he waits for his turn.

 

Sooner than he predicted, he was already standing at the center of the stage in front of the scrutinizing eyes of the judges after he just finished his freestyle dance. He held onto his hands in front of him in hopes of relieving his nerves. He did his best and hopefully the trainers saw his efforts. Amidst the debate of the trainers, his eyes came in contact with Euigeon which ended up into a short staring contest.

 

_Did he recognize me too?_

 

Before he could dwell in that thought, the voice of dance trainer Kwon Jaeseung broke his train of thought. “Fantagio’s Ong Seongwoo… Class A” In an instant, felt all giddy inside and forgot about the pink-haired boy who kept his gaze on him as he exited the stage.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The following day, training started for their first evaluation. The Nayana dance routine to be performed in M! Countdown.. Although Seongwoo majored in dance, the difficulty was at an entirely different level. Not to mention he still knew no one in the entire competition besides his fellow Rank A members and roommates. He hasn’t done well in the dance but he’s pretty sure he nailed the vocal class for being one of the few trainees to reach that high note. But if he wanted to keep his rank, he’s going to have to do harder than that so he spent his days practicing the routine. Their final evaluation for the Nayana stage was in three days, just enough time for him to polish his skills.

 

Three days later, each trainee finished filming their reevaluation videos. As expected, every Rank A trainee did great in their own videos. But Seongwoo was not so confident, he was surrounded by fellow Rank A trainees after all. To make matters worst, the rank of the A trainees were going to be announced last after every trainee who has transferred to A arrives.

 

Seongwoo was snapped out of his nervous thoughts when he turned around at the sound of the door opening. And behold before him stood the pink-haired boy he totally forgot about because of the stress the show placed on him. He was pretty sure he saw glint of recognition in the boy’s eyes.. But he’ll deal with that later. His rank was the last one to be announced.

 

_Oh god what if I’m the first A ranked trainee to rank down that would be so embarrassing what should I do--_

 

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw a huge red ‘A’ stamped in the center and he let out a huge sigh of relief. Now that that's over, he glanced to his right and caught the pink-haired boy looking at him with that cute eye smile.

 

_He looks like such a rabbit.._

 

This was the closest he got so far to that peach head. Now that he was so close, he saw the tag that happen to contain a different name compared to what he remembered. _Daniel? That's odd, I’m pretty sure it was Euigeon.. Maybe it's just a look-alike._

 

After their final evaluations, the trainees finally returned to their dorms after the adjustments of re-arranging the trainees according to rank therefore putting Daniel and Seongwoo in the same room. The trainees were all busy unpacking their things when Daniel suddenly tapped Seongwoo’s shoulder. Seongwoo looked behind him and saw that bright smile that could potentially blind him he might have had to squint.

 

“Hey” Daniel started with a small wave “You’re that Ong Seongwoo from Elementary school, right?” _Oh, so he did recognize me after all._ “Yeah I’m that Ong Seongwoo. I didn’t think you would remember” Daniel gave a small laugh “I’m pretty sure anyone could remember a name as unique as Ong Seongwoo”

 

_Hm, he did have a point._

 

Seongwoo suddenly remembered about what confused his thoughts earlier so he might as well clarify it. “Though from what I remember you were Kang Euigeon yet your label says your name is Kang Daniel. I’m pretty sure I don't have a bad memory though” Daniel grinned and scratched his head “Well you’re not wrong, Kang Euigeon is definitely my name. But my parents got it legally changed to Daniel since Euigeon was too difficult to pronounce” _Well, that does make a lot of sense._

 

Seongwoo gave out a large sigh of relief when all his thoughts were finally clarified “Oh god I finally know somebody in this whole competition I swear the stress is pretty hard to carry on your own, you know what I mean?” Daniel chuckled at how Seongwoo quickly adjusted to him as if they were long term friends that have known each other since children. Then again, it kinda was their situation.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The recording for Nayana was finally over and everyone could take a deep breath and relax for a bit before the next stage of the competition. Seongwoo and Daniel spent that night talking to each other for hours just to catch up with one another. In that one night, they completely forgot that they were suppose to be rivals in a competition and instead strengthened their friendship with one another.

 

The following day was the start of the next mission of the competition: the group performance in front of a live audience. Luckily, he ended up in the same team with Daniel thanks to a certain Hwang Minhyun who picked out their team. He didn’t notice how a smile automatically crept to his face when he found out Daniel would be in the same group with him. Although they didn’t get the song they wanted, the group’s composition was enough to pose a threat among the other trainees.

 

The group automatically picked out Jonghyun as the leader and now it came down to picking the center. Kwon Hyunbin immediately nominated both Seongwoo and Daniel since he thought they both suit the concept. Honestly, Seongwoo felt happy that he thought so but he also thought that Daniel deserved to be the center. That boy deserved it and he could definitely pull it off.

 

Before he could hand over the center position, Daniel beat him to it and gave away the position to him. Of course he was happy, he just thought that maybe Daniel might have deserved it more than he did so he said whatever came to his head. “I’ve heard many times that I look a bit apologetic.” _Okay so what does that have to do with this really--_ The others laugh at his comment but it doesn’t change their choice of center. _Maybe some other time.._ It's about making ourselves individually known after all. I’ll let my desire to be center win over for today.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Fortunately enough, they won against Team 1 for the group performance and he couldn’t be more relieved. 3000 votes was no laughing matter after all. But he suddenly remembered Daniel. Daniel was the only one in their team who lost and had a large gap from the votes of his other groupmates. It would definitely affect someone’s confidence so the first thing he did is look for Daniel.

 

_Now where would one usually release their frustration.._

 

“I’ll just take a quick bathroom break, you guys go on ahead” Seongwoo said to the nearest group member which happens to be Hyunbin “Oh okay, I’ll inform the others.” He nodded in acknowledgement and proceeded to head to the bathrooms. Just when he entered the bathroom, he didn't need to look twice. That pink mop of hair is already a dead give away anyway. Daniel was caught off guard when he heard the door open and frantically wiped at the tears that were no doubt threatening to fall with his sleeves

 

“H-Hey Hyung..” Seongwoo give him a small smile to lighten him even even the tiniest bit.

 

“And here I thought you decided to drop the Hyung for all eternity, I never thought I’d hear it again.” Seongwoo gave the younger boy permission to call him without honorifics a long long time ago. Usually the lack of honorifics make him mad, but he just can’t seem to get mad when Daniel does it. When Daniel called him hyung, the Sorry Sorry center saw just how much it affected the pink-haired boy.

 

Daniel gave him a weak smile and looked back at the mirror without saying anything else, he can’t possibly deny what the older boy clearly saw.

 

“I don’t think I can make it.. Maybe I should just stop-- ow!” Daniel stopped his words when he felt something hit his head and turned back to see Seongwoo closer than he was just a minute ago “What--” Seongwoo immediately cut him off

 

“Don’t you dare give up now Daniel, not when you still have a chance.”

 

“How can you be so sure? You managed to earn at least a hundred votes while I just--”

 

“33 is not a small number Daniel. We just did a live performance in front of a crowd that barely knows any of us” _Well maybe with Jonghyun and Minhyun as an exception but that's not the point._

 

“We’re just starting, we’ll eventually climb up the ranks. But for now, 33 isn’t such a bad start” He said while he held onto Daniel’s other hand that rested on the sink. Daniel remained silent as he looked at his fellow group mate before he looked away and sighed. “Okay.. thanks for helping me Seongwoo” He isn’t really suppose to, but Seongwoo smiled when he heard Daniel call him ‘Seongwoo’ instead of ‘Hyung’.

 

“Let’s debut together, okay?” Daniel smiled back and eagerly nodded in agreement which made Seongwoo smile back. “Come on, the Boy in Luv stages are about to start. They might wonder why we’ve been gone too long” He grabbed Daniel’s hand and dragged him back to the waiting rooms with the rest of the trainees.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Every performance was finally over and so every trainee was gathered to announce each trainee’s current standing. If it weren’t for the 3000 benefit, Daniel would have been in a dangerous position. Seongwoo was relieved when the peach boy at least got into a safe position with the 3000 votes and hopefully it stays that way. The first round of eliminations were coming up and he prays that he and Daniel will get through it together. That night, Seongwoo and Daniel talked endlessly about everything and anything. Except for anything concerning the entire survival show to at least temporarily get their mind of the tension of the competition

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Luckily for them, the following day was anything but tense. All the trainees, now down to 98, were gathered in one room with a small stage in the center. To everyone’s surprise, IOI’s Yoojung and Doyeon entered the stage and introduced themselves as the MCs for that particular segment. It was none other than a dance battle where anyone can go to the stage once a song plays and face off against a fellow trainee. Everyone was hyped and the next thing they know, the stage was filled with various trainees wearing pink, orange, yellow, green, and grey.

 

Later on the dance battle was properly initiated by telling the other trainees to return to their seats before playing the first song. Seongwoo immediately had a huge smile on his face. He thought b-boying was the perfect dance for this type of song and started to rapidly tap on Daniel’s shoulder since he told him about his b-boying background the other day.

 

“Go! It’s a perfect song for you!” Daniel smiled at Seongwoo’s encouragement and went down onto the stage and so did Joo Haknyeon.

 

A b-boy battle it is.

 

Seongwoo has been bugging him to show him some moves every since Daniel told him about his b-boying skills but he kept refusing claiming that there wasn't any space. This was definitely his chance to see what he can do and _damn_ Seongwoo was not disappointed at all.

 

The pink-haired boy did a few more tricks alongside Haknyeon before returning to his spot beside Seongwoo. Daniel was greeted with the most amazed expression Seongwoo could muster when his younger friend came back at the stands “I knew you’d do great but you’ve done better than I thought! That was amazing!”

 

In between Seongwoo’s continuous spewing of praise, Daniel suddenly pulled him down by his arm and started to push him towards the stage. “I’ve seen you dance to that song! You should go out there and show them!” Daniel nudged him as if he was a kid asking for candy so Seongwoo gave in and climbed onto the stage.

 

_Damn I didn’t know he saw me when I was just free styling the other day! Okay so what was I doing that time? Let's see uh.._

 

He walked to the other side of the stage while looking down to remember his routine. _Oh! I got it!_ He slowly started to remember the steps and looked up when he finally gained the confidence to win this round. After at least a minute, the song changed into another genre so he went back to Daniel with the adrenaline of dancing still coursing through his veins.

 

“That was awesome! Popping is definitely Ong Seongwoo!” Daniel exclaimed when he got back to his place beside his dongsaeng “Don’t be ridiculous!” He replied with a laugh before turning their attention back to Hong Eunki who definitely had everyone’s attention glued to his on-the-spot collaboration with Jung Jung.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Early in the morning, every trainee was now dressed in their uniforms of blue and grey. It was the day of the first elimination where only rank 1 to 60 will move on in the show. Seongwoo was nervous, not only for him but for Daniel as well. They’ve been attached by the hip the past days and to lose him now would be the worst possible thing that could happen to Seongwoo. Daniel was like his anchor that kept him grounded. He was always there even when Seongwoo would say the lamest jokes.

 

So now here they are, seated into black chairs in front of an array of 60 chairs.

 

The first elimination.

 

Each trainee has been called one by one starting from 59 down to 1. BoA was already at the 12th trainee when Seongwoo started to pay close attention. Daniel ranked 12 last week and he hasn’t heard his name so far. _Maybe he retained his rank--_

 

“C9’s Bae Jinyoung” … _or not._ Seongwoo wasn’t the only one surprised, everyone else was since Jinyoung has always been in the top 10.

 

BoA continued to announce each trainee until they finally reached the 5th place.

 

_Still no Daniel or Seongwoo._

 

His palms started to sweat. What if they didn’t make it?

 

They were down to the 5th trainee. Just 5 more slots remaining and it's all over. At this point, Seongwoo placed his hands together on his lap. _Please be Daniel please be Daniel please be Daniel--_

 

“MMO Kang Daniel”

 

Seongwoo suddenly released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and slumped his shoulders. He could finally breathe and be happy that he couldn’t hide his smile when Daniel was saying his speech and climbed the steps to his chair.

 

Now they were moving on onto the 4th place and every candidate for first was flashed onto the screen. Seongwoo couldn’t believe it when he saw his face flashed on the screen. Neither could Daniel when he almost toppled over his chair for being overly happy that Hyungseob had to catch him. Until finally, Seongwoo was called for 4th place. He didn’t mind at all as long as he still get to pursue his dreams with his best friend.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

As a short celebration of them avoiding elimination, they went to eat out that night in a ramen place nearby. It was late at night after all, there wouldn’t be many restaurants open at that hour. After settling down and ordering their food, they laid back and waited while basking in the comforting silence between them.

 

“What do you think is going to happen next?” Daniel suddenly asked out of the blue.

 

“You mean the next mission?” Seongwoo looked at Daniel who sat directly in front of him “Yeah, they had the position evaluation in the first season didn’t they?” Daniel said before he looked at Seongwoo and gave out a small laugh making his companion raise a brow in confusion.

 

“What's so funny?”

 

“Aish” Daniel just shook his head and waved his hand, his usual antics whenever he laughs out of nowhere and just tells whoever asks him to forget about it.

 

_His usual antics._

 

Seongwoo doesn’t know when or how it started, but he started noticing bits and details about Daniel. Like how he would sometimes talk to himself, how his eyes disappear when he smiles, and how his Busan accent comes out when he gets nervous. Maybe because they’ve been hanging out a lot, but Seongwoo has always felt comfortable as long as he was with Daniel as if the busan boy had something that would always kept Seongwoo calm. That night wasn’t any different. They spent their night celebrating their current ranks until the owners had to ask them to leave since they were about to close. Seongwoo and Daniel apologized for staying too long before they went out and walked back to the dorms.

 

“If we are going to have the position evaluations tomorrow, what are you going to pick?” Daniel asked since he recalled Seongwoo telling him once about how wanted to try everything. Seongwoo let out a short hum before he looked up at the sky that was unexpectedly full of stars that night. “Maybe I’ll go with dance. I can’t really rap yet and with vocals with Jaehwan and Sungwoo, I might get crushed.” Daniel laughed at this remark but they both knew it was true. Jaehwan didn’t win God’s voice out of luck, he definitely had the skills while Woodam proved himself during their Manse performance.

 

“What about you?” The MMO trainee also hummed in thought “I thought about rap but I’ve been training in dance longer. Competitions is getting tighter after all so I have to go with what I’m best at.” No one talked after that and both trainees soon reached the dorms since it wasn't so far. “Good night, Seongwoo.” Daniel said with a short wave before he went off the bathroom.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

A week after their first ranking announcement, they were again gathered into one room with a huge wall that was covered with cloth. Just as Seongwoo and Daniel predicted, it was the position evaluation. They could call it fate, but even if the process of choosing songs was random, Seongwoo and Daniel still ended up in the same group along with the other top ranking trainees. 

 

Woojin seemed uncomfortable at first, he had the lowest rank after all. Luckily Seongwoo was quick enough to remedy his thoughts. “We we’re all talking about how we hoped you’d come. We we’re saying ‘Please, please joing Get Ugly’ since it looked liked you were going to join dance.”

 

Daniel volunteered to be the leader and Seongwoo was more than willing to support.  _ He must have watched Jonghyun-hyung a lot and gained some inspiration.  _ No one made a comment so the Fantagio said the first thing thought that came to him 

 

“I like Daniel.” 

 

_ HOLD UP-- That came out wrong let me just -- _

 

“I think the atmosphere will be brighter” 

 

_ Nice save! Seongwoo praised himself with a mental high five.  _

 

And so the trainees with english names took up the important roles. Daniel became the leader and Samuel took the role of center. Seongwoo was well-aware that it was Daniel’s first time leading a team so he would assist him whenever he can (Except for choreography, he’ll leave those to the three trainees). It was difficult to get everyone’s opinions together and Daniel was definitely struggling to lead because of it. Anyone would be able to notice. The Get Ugly team had a slow start because of the conflicting opinions and it didn’t change when they were halfway the song. 

 

When it came to the evaluation during the Dance Position Class, Seongwoo could tell everyone was expecting their group to do well. Even the trainers thought so too because of their team filled with the top ranking trainees.Dance trainer Kahi gave them the signal to get in position and Kwon Jaeseung voiced out his expectations.

 

“I’m looking forward to this, seems like it’ll be fun”

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

It didn’t go well. Daniel made too many mistakes and they weren’t little mistakes either. He looked completely lost in the middle of the choreography. Every trainee who was watching them was shocked. Even Kahi didn’t hide her disappointed and directly asked Daniel for an explanation. There was no other explanation really, each trainee’s style of dance was too different.

 

The Get Ugly team gathered after the class and talked amongst themselves how they could resolve the issue and Seongwoo could feel that it was getting tense and Daniel was having a hard time because of it. The Fantagio trainee has always been the mood maker of any group and this group wasn’t going to be an exception.

 

“Ya!” Seongwoo called out the rest and everyone looked at him 

 

“I’ll now be the choreographer” He jokingly declared with a serious face that had everyone laughing. Seongwoo was happy he got everyone to laugh since he always liked making people laugh. But somehow, he felt happier when Daniel cheered up and even copied his dancing style claiming that was how their choreography was going to look like. 

 

Everything went well after that. They re-choreographed bits of the routine and had a brighter atmosphere compared to the last time they practiced. 

 

And now here they were, standing on the stage facing the national producers for the on-site voting. Daniel apologized for being an inexperienced leader and Seongwoo immediately denied that remark by shaking his head. “You did great” He whispered to Daniel before he looked back towards the crowd of a thousand national producers.

 

_ We were told that we are like the cooks that spoiled the broth. Right? _

 

Leeteuk ended the introductions and left the stage before the Get Ugly team got into their positions with Samuel in the center. 

 

_ But on our case, _

 

Seongwoo took a deep breath and glanced towards his groupmates.

  
  


_ We’ll save the it. _

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The routine went better than expected. Seongwoo wasn’t sure, maybe it was the adrenaline from performing coursing through his veins that kept him hyped. But the hype didn’t last long. His nerves immediately took over when he saw the countdown on the screen that was about to show their rankings. Daniel wasn’t any different, he could almost feel the younger boy’s nerves in waves. So when Daniel held out a hand for support, Seongwoo held onto him tightly to reassure him that everything was going to be fine.

 

To everyone’s surprise, Samuel came out as 6th when everybody was sure he’d rank first. Daniel followed by ranking 5th but se seemed to handle it better this time and let go of Seongwoo’s hand after. And no, Seongwoo was most definitely not disappointed that he lost skin contact with Daniel. Their rankings were unexpected and Woojin was ranked 1st. Of course they were slightly down because of their rankings, but their happiness for Woojin definitely overpowered their disappointments. 

 

Everyone was on their way back to the waiting room until Seongwoo noticed Daniel was lagging behind. He tapped onto Jihoon’s shoulder and told him that they can go on ahead. Jihoon saw Daniel at the back and immediately understood the situation so he gave him a nod of understanding. “Don’t take too long, hyung.” Seongwoo gave him a thumbs up and went over to Daniel. 

 

When Seongwoo made it to Daniel’s side, only then did he notice that the MMO trainee was cradling his right arm to his chest. “Daniel? Are you okay? What happened to you?” The raven-haired male could not suppress his worry and looked at his younger friend with a worried expression.

 

“I’m fine, it's just a minor sprain. I’ve been b-boying for a long time now so it's nothing new” Daniel gave him a reassuring smile, but it made no effort to calm Seongwoo’s anxious heart. “We should still get you checked. It wouldn’t be nice to leave it like that since it's still a sprain.”

 

“Seriously, Seongwoo I’m--”

 

“We’re getting it checked whether you like it or not so don’t bother.” Daniel hunched his shoulders and sighed in defeat. “Fine, let's go tell the staff.” 

 

Daniel was brought to the hospital that day to check for any serious injury that could affect his performance. Around 3 hours later, he came back with a cast wrapped around his forearm. Seongwoo waited for the time he’d return and was therefore the first trainee to greet him by the entrance.

 

“So how is it?” He asked with an expression that masked his worry for the young MMO trainee. Daniel gave him a small smile and raised his right arm, now wrapped in a cast, to Seongwoo’s field of view. “I can’t strain it that much to avoid making it worse but the doctor said it would be better if I didn’t use it in dancing for a while. That means I can’t b-boy again for the meantime..” 

 

Seongwoo could feel the disappointment in Daniel’s voice, honestly he’d feel the same if he were told he can’t do popping for a while. The older of the two held onto the fingertips peeking out of Daniel’s cast and caressed it with comforting patterns. 

 

“B-boy or not, you’re still Kang Daniel aren’t you?” Seongwoo looked back up at Daniel’s eyes and saw how his eyes glossed over in unshed tears. Most probably because of how he won’t be able to do what he loves the most. The Fantagio trainee gave him a small smile and wiped off the small tear that escaped Daniel’s eyes when he blinked. 

 

The younger trainee looked at his slightly shorter hyung and hid his face in Seongwoo’s neck that first had him startled. Seongwoo did the first thing he thought of and wrapped his arms around Daniel to calm him down and let him cry his frustrations away. Daniel wrapped his uninjured arm around his friend’s neck while Seongwoo was making circular patterns around his back like how one would comfort a crying child. 

 

“Thanks, Seongwoo-ah” Seongwoo smiled. Being called by his first name was enough to indicate that Daniel was starting to feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'll stop here.
> 
> I actually completed the entire fanfic and its just saved in my documents but I'm still separating the entire thing by chapter but I'll post everything else tomorrow. If it ever made you interested then just look forward to tomorrow :)


	2. Produce 101 pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of made up stories along the 2nd half of Produce 101

The trainees were all given a rest day before they had to resume filming for the next mission of the show. Seongwoo went home that day and so did Daniel who took a  one-day trip to Busan. Throughout the day, they would text one another to give the randomest updates ranging from what they ate to Daniel finding another stray cat that distracted him for a good 5 minutes.

 

Suddenly, Seongwoo came up with a way to prank Daniel and immediately took his Phone from his bedside table and texted Daniel.

 

_“Hey, there are rumors going around on SNS._

_Apparently the fans found out you were returning_

_From Busan in Seoul station”_

 

_“Woah really?_

_Damn thats going to be difficult.._

_Is it that bad?”_

 

Seongwoo let out a quick laugh before he resumed to typing.

 

_“Found the post in a thread._

_It had at least 20 users in it”_

 

_“What should I do? :( “_

 

_“I can pick you up from Seoul station if you want._

_I can already see you frozen in the middle of_

_The subway”_

 

_“Thanks Seongwoo :)”_

  


It wasn’t suppose to affect him. It's just a simple thanks with a smiley face (in informal speech too) but somehow, Daniel always had an effect on him. And he couldn’t point out why.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Ong Seongwoo now stood in Seoul station, waiting for Daniel’s train to arrive. He still had another 5 minutes until his arrival time so he was browsing through the net when a particular post caught his eye. It was a compilation of every billboard setup for each trainee in Produce 101 so he immediately tapped on it and scrolled through the thread to look for him and Daniel.

 

“Seongwoo!”

 

He could recognize that voice anywhere. The raven-haired male looked to his right and saw Daniel clad with his usual red flannel shirt jogging towards him with his small bag and iPad in tow.

 

“They didn’t see you did they?”

 

“Who?”

 

Seongwoo almost completely forgot about why he had to pick up Daniel in the first place. He couldn’t help but laugh at the current situation. “Why are you laughing?” The now brown-haired boy gave him a skeptical look before Seongwoo composed himself “Ah Daniel Daniel Daniel.. I was just kidding” He said with his face filled with amusement at Daniel’s confused expression

 

“What do you mean?” Seongwoo just chuckled and patted Daniel’s shoulder. “Sorry to ruin your hopes and all that but I lied. There wasn’t any SNS post that said you would be arriving in Seoul station from Busan” The Fantagio trainee watched as Daniel finally processed what he said and playfully hit him on the arm “Aish this hyung..” Seongwoo had a good laugh that day.

 

Before he could completely forget, he remembered what he was scrolling through before Daniel distracted him “Oh right! You have to see this, I just saw a post with the locations of other ads the fans set up to support produce 101 trainees!” the youngest MMO trainee had his eyes widen in surprise “Woah really? Let me see!” Seongwoo handed over his phone and showed him the locations of his and Daniel’s ads.

 

“Hapjeong and Sincheon? Those aren't so far from here! We should go find them!” the brunette said with the excitement of a 5 year old kid. “Wait, now?” Seongwoo said in surprise “Yeah, why not? We still have time to spare before they need all the trainees to gather back in Paju” Seongwoo thought about but ended up agreeing. How could you possibly reject those puppy-like features?

 

And that was how they ended up caught in fan cams running around Hapjeong and Sincheon just to take a picture of their ads. Definitely worth it.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Time flew by so quick and the next thing they knew, all trainees were gathered in one area for their next evaluation assignment. It was time for the concept evaluation. Every trainee was thrilled, the national producers picked their song for them after all. But as always, there was a catch. The second ranking announcement will take place in the middle of the practice sessions.

 

All the concept songs were great, Seongwoo wanted to try them all but Never definitely stuck to him. He felt like he could portray that song the best. He low key hoped he could be with Daniel again, but his controversy was not left unnoticed and he had to pay the consequences. Daniel wanted Never for the concept evaluation. If Seongwoo does end up getting Never, then this is going to be the first time they were separated in the whole survival program. With that thought in mind, he couldn’t hide a frown and it deeply upset him.

 

The national representative called him next and Seongwoo took a deep breath before he took the envelope from BoA’s hands. Carefully, he held onto the card and took a peak

 

_Practice Room D_

 

Seongwoo did a small nod of acknowledgement and went on his way curious on who would be there by now. What he saw in the room was quite a shock, it was a pretty good composition of members. Jaehwan would automatically be main vocal, Jonghyun would no doubt be the leader (He didn’t get the national leader title for nothing) and even Woojin for the dance.

 

It didn’t take long before all of them were finally complete with Ha Sungwoon as the last member. And so came the time to reveal their concept evaluation song-- Never. It was perfect, Seongwoo was elated at the thought.

 

Well, that was before he remembered Daniel wouldn’t be with him.

For some reason, that overpowered his feelings of relief when they got Never.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

“Looks like someone’s missing a certain trainee.” Seongwoo snapped out of his thoughts and looked to the source of the voice which led him to the Pledis trainee, Hwang Minhyun. “What do you mean?” Minhyun raised his eyebrow as if he expected Seongwoo to get it.

 

“You’ve been staring at the door all day I was getting worried it’d suddenly have holes in it.” Seongwoo blinked and was left speechless

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes really. What are you so worried about? Daniel will be fine” Seongwoo felt his face heat up at Sungwoon’s assumption “I haven’t even said anything--” Jonghyun cut him off with a laugh “You didn’t even have to. Anyone would know who’s on your mind since you two are practically connected by the hip now”

 

Seongwoo thought about it and he couldn’t really deny their assumptions. It was all true, he’s barely with anyone else other than Daniel. If he was with someone else, Daniel would be close to him. The more he couldn’t deny it, the more his face was heating up. _This is so embarrassing, why am I like this._

 

“Aww Seongwoo-hyung is actually blushing!” Seonho said with a poke on his face.

 

Seongwoo gave up, he just let out a groan and hid his now red face in his hands.

 

_Ah seriously, I’m sure Daniel’s fine. It’s not like I’ll never see him again with his bunny teeth, or his eyes disappearing when he laughs too hard, or how he would talk to himself---_

 

_No no no, Daniel is my friend. I can’t do that to him. He might end up hating me._

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Their team continues to practice the whole routine, it was a difficult one to master after all. But there are times when Seongwoo would zone out and eventually think about Daniel. _Is he doing fine? Does his team think he’s doing good as a leader?_ Minhyun snapped him (again) out of his thoughts when he gave a firm hold on Seongwoo’s shoulder. “He’ll be fine.” Seongwoo didn’t bother to deny who Minhyun meant by ‘He’, they’ll just tease him again (Like how high school girls do once their friend’s crush is mentioned) but he really hope Minhyun was right.

 

Being in different teams, they had little time to spent together that they couldn’t even meet up properly. The longest time they met this week would probably be the time when he passed the Open Up team’s practice room and that wasn’t even considered hanging out.

 

Seongwoo himself wouldn’t notice it, but the Never team would occasionally notice how the Fantagio trainee would zone out during their breaks or how his eyes would focus on Daniel during dance class. To an ordinary person, he looked lovestruck as fuck. But Seongwoo refuses to acknowledge it, if he starts to like him that way then he could lose Daniel.

 

_Daniel would never look at me that way._

 

The more Seongwoo worried about how Daniel is doing, the more his mind would fill his thoughts with everything Daniel. Without a doubt, it puts a smile to his face thinking about his best friend but he would stop himself from doing so when he remembers that Daniel was _just his_ _best friend_.

 

Not more, not less.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo needed some quality alone time right now. Not only was the second ranking announcement drawing near, but his emotional confusion has just been begging to be noticed. When they went back at the dorm, he picked up the long sleeved piece of clothing  he left hanging on his bed and went on his way to the nearest cafe.

 

The Fantagio trainee sat by the back of a cafe where it was isolated from the rest, absentmindedly sipping at his drink. Seongwoo would draw random circles on the table as if he was mapping out his thoughts. The second round of eliminations were literally tomorrow and he isn’t so sure if his mind could handle more stress which is what led him here to clear his mind a bit.

 

He should be solely focusing on the concept evaluation, but his teammates opinions on how they see him and Daniel stuck to his mind. _Daniel is my best friend._ That line has been repeating like a mantra in his head as if he was so desperate to keep some thoughts away from his mind. Seongwoo let out a heavy sigh and continued to sip his drink while he started fiddling with the long sleeves of his flannel jacket.

 

 _Wait, flannel jacket?_ Seongwoo has never had a flannel jacket, or any flannel patterned article of clothing. There was only one trainee who would wear flannel patterns in their shared dorm room.

 

_Kang Daniel._

 

Great. It’s as if the world just mocked his thoughts of possibly feeling something he shouldn’t towards his best friend by making him wear the clothes of said best friend. Seongwoo brought the edge of the collar to his nose and took a quick sniff (Not in a creepy way). _Yep, definitely Daniel’s._ Seongwoo let out another sigh but not as deep as his previous one and went back to finish his drink. He needed to be back soon in case Daniel was actually trying to find the said shirt in Seongwoo’s possession.

 

On the way back to the dorm he pretty much took his time walking. The english village where their training center was located wasn’t too far away and the night was still young so he wanted to take a breather,

 

Well, that was until he felt a drop of water on his cheek.

 

 _What the--_ Before Seongwoo could finish that thought, Seongwoo felt more drops of water drop onto him until it eventually started raining.

 

 _Shit._ He didn’t have to think twice so he immediately started to run while all the other passersby took out their umbrellas. _Rain in this time of the year?_ The training center was literally two blocks away, it wasn’t so far. He could definitely make it so he didn’t stop running until he made it to the entrance. Exhausted from all the running, Seongwoo bent down and held onto his knees while taking deep breathes to calm his rapidly beating heart from all the running.

 

Good there was a carpet by the entrance and he wouldn’t have to drip water all over the floor. In the midst of trying to calm his heart, a pair of shoes came into view along with an outstretched hand holding a towel. “Geez Seongwoo, what happened to you? You’re freezing!” The said trainee looked up from his hunched position and his eyes made contact with the other.

 

 _Of course, of all people it was Kang Daniel. Though at this point it doesn’t even matter, I just want to dry myself off._ Seongwoo muttered a thank you before he took the towel and proceeded to dry his hair, face, and arms. “Where were you? Everyone already went to bed while I was still with Jisung-hyung but when I came back you weren't even there! You had me worried when it started to rain and now look at you, all soaking wet from the rain.” Seongwoo could only blink, Daniel almost sounded like his mom when she caught him sneaking into the house after playing in the rain.

 

“It's fine it's fine, I’ll just take a shower and it’ll all be better!” Seongwoo replied with a smile and a wink when he realized he unintentionally made a rhyme. It was worth it since Daniel chuckled at his childish behavior and somehow his heart is taking forever to calm down.

 

The MMO trainee must’ve noticed what he was wearing when he raised an eyebrow at Seongwoo’s clothes. “Is that my flannel shirt?” Seongwoo completely forgot about that “Ah right, I just grabbed whatever was hanging on my bed and assumed it was mine. Sorry, I really didn’t notice I got your shirt..” His focus naturally went to the floor out of embarrassment for being caught wearing his friend’s clothes.

 

 _Great, now he might think I’m some kind of weird creep--_ “No, it's fine. Don't worry about it”

 

_What?_

 

Seongwoo looked back up at his friend and Daniel gave him his usual smile. “We can just have it washed, but you need to have a shower pronto before you catch a cold.” The younger trainee guided him back to their dorms with a hand on Seongwoo’s back to keep him walking and partially because Daniel wanted to make sure he went straight to the bathroom. “I’ll bring you whatever clothes I get from your stuff to change into so you can shower right away, okay?”

 

He immediately left without even waiting for the other trainee’s reply. Seongwoo looked back at him and saw that Daniel was indeed gone and his heart was finally starting to calm down. The bathroom was definitely warm enough to keep him distracted from the clothes sticking to his skin but nothing was warmer or more comforting than the spot on his back where Daniel placed his hand.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The second ranking announcement just concluded and Seongwoo had never felt so relieved. Just like any other trainee, he hoped that he would be one of the remaining trainees to be able to perform their concept evaluation stage. But when it came to Daniel’s ranking, it's as if a huge weight was just lifted off his shoulders. It was almost as if he felt happier for Daniel’s rank than his.

 

Of course he’s made some friends along the way, but him and Daniel had a promise to debut together after all and he didn’t want to break that promise. Not when they’re so close to debuting.

 

The idea of debuting with someone like Daniel beside him brings a smile to his face knowing that in his whole journey of attempting to debut, his best friend will always be there beside him.

 

Unfortunately, the happiness was quite short-lived. The Never team had the most excess members and they needed to remove four to fill in the gaps of the other groups with missing members. When he came out as the 5th trainer picked to remain in the Never team, he couldn’t be happier. He wasn’t eliminated in both the second ranking announcement and the concept evaluation song. How can be not be happy?

 

The benefit of having excess members was how they didn’t need to adjust to their choreography that much. Everyone knew the dance, it was just a matter of re-organizing the parts and going straight to polishing the dance after.

 

One afternoon, Seongwoo was called by the staff into a room. When he got there, Jisung was already there and both gave each other confused glances. Jisung shrugged to show he didn’t know why they were called either. Turns out, the trainees were going to have a ‘Cheerful Sportsday’ as a small break from the competition. The staff then explained that they were called to be informed that they’ll be the MCs for the said event and this got both trainees excited for what's to come. They immediately started planning things they could do together when they were shown the cue cards to make things more bright and fun.

 

“Wait, what should we call our tandem?” Jisung asked and out of the blue Seongwoo suddenly said “Ong..” while Jisung replied “Sung..” As if they suddenly clicked, Seongwoo and Jisung alternatively repeated ‘Ong’ and ‘Sung’ until they ended up calling themselves ‘Ong Sung Ong Sung’

 

“Ong Sung Ong Sung it is!” Both trainees were satisfied and continued on planning their antics for their MCing roles tomorrow.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The following morning, all the trainees were gathered in the gym which gave them the idea that they were going to do something physical while others hoped they were going to play. Suddenly they were interrupted by the entrance of the two MCs for the day, Fantagio’s Ong Seongwoo and MMO’s Yoon Jisung.

 

The two started off well by bringing a serious atmosphere courtesy of Seongwoo and immediately turning it into a bright one. The pair then proceeded to explain the mechanics wherein the teams for the games would be the current teams in the concept evaluation songs.

 

First game was a speed quiz or talking with your body and everyone couldn’t help but laugh at the other trainees antics. When it was time for the ‘Open Up’ team’s turn, Jisung re-enacted Daniel’s thigh slide dance and Seongwoo was partly confused. When it suddenly clicked what Jisung was suppose to be imitating, he held in his laugh and it came out as a small smile.

 

When it was time for the Never team’s turn, Seongwoo was about to place his cue cards on the floor when Daniel suddenly reached out a hand towards it, “Here, I’ll just hold it for you” He said with a smile and Seongwoo smiled back before handing it to him while muttering a quick thanks. Their team did quite and they ended up getting third place.

 

Second game was the elephant lipstick game and everyone was literally on the floor laughing with everything that's happening. They were all definitely shocked at Jaehwan’s laugh too since it's not something you hear everyday (Poor Minhyun).

 

And finally, the last game that they called ‘It’s Photo Time’ and it was most definitely not easy to pose for photos while jumping. Although it was difficult, everyone else enjoyed doing it anyway.

 

On the same day after everyone went back to the dorms, each trainee was called for the ‘Say anything party’ and really, it was fun revealing things about each other even if the trainee in question would be embarrassed about (Shoutout to the insoles and Daniel’s teeth grinding).

 

It was already around 6pm when everyone was finished. Some were just hanging out in the dorms while others went out. For Ong Seongwoo, he was one of those who chose to go out supposedly on his own when someone called his name. When he looked back he saw Daniel jogging up to him “Hey! Saw you were just about to leave. Planning on eating out tonight?”

 

Seongwoo hesitated since the boy was his source of emotional confusion these past days after all but he didn’t want Daniel to think he was pushing him away. “It’s pretty far though, almost 2 hours away.” Daniel was shocked, “Why go somewhere so far?” He was curious.

 

“There’s this mountain top cafe in Gapyeong that I used to go to. The view always had a calming feeling to me when I was in school. Since tomorrow is the third ranking announcement, I just thought I’m going to need everything that could help me calm down. The shifts in ranking are pretty unpredictable these days.” Daniel hummed in understanding. “Then I’ll come with you!” Seongwoo blinked and Daniel noticed his friend’s slight shock in his expression.

 

“You said so yourself, the shifts are pretty unexpected these days so I want to calm down too. I’m pretty curious what the place is like too if it calm you down that much” Daniel said with his usual blinding smile that Seongwoo couldn’t help but chuckle at this giant puppy that stood before him.

 

“Alright alright, might as well bring a jacket with you. It's already night and you might feel cold. It’s at the mountaintop after all.” Daniel eagerly nodded in reply and ran back to their room to get a jacket while Seongwoo stayed put at the entrance waiting for his friend to come back.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

“Uwah! This is so cool!” Seongwoo let Daniel choose their seat,which just as he expected, was by the patio to get a clear view of the city’s nightlights. “I can't believe you actually frequent this place, but I mostly can't believe you didn’t tell me about this place before! It's amazing!”

 

Seongwoo let out an amused chuckle, at his younger companion. Daniel was younger than him and yet the MMO trainee was starting to look younger than his age because of how he’s looking at everything with childlike wonder.

 

Seongwoo thought his amazement would eventually die down, but it just increased further when their food arrived. “Wooaah! This looks amazing-- and it taste good too!” The raven-haired trainee can’t help to make fun of the situation “Careful, you might scare away the food with all that excitement you’re radiating”

 

“Hey! I just thought of something!” Daniel snapped his head up to look at him as if the idea would disappear from his thoughts if he didn’t say it now and honestly it made Seongwoo worry for his neck tomorrow. “If we both make it to the top 20, let’s eat together again before the debut evaluations!” Seongwoo blinked in thought “Where’d you suddenly get that idea?”

 

Daniel swallowed the food in his mouth before continuing his thoughts. “I just realized that we usually eat out around the time of ranking announcements. We went out to eat ramen after the first one and then now we’re here before the third ranking announcement.” Seongwoo hummed in agreement, Daniel’s reasoning made sense after all. (No he was definitely not lost in Daniel’s deep voice that he didn’t hear his reasoning. Definitely not.)

 

“Okay fine, then it’s your pick. Where do you want to eat if it happens?” Daniel gave it much thoughts before he snapped his fingers as if he just formulated the best plan. “I couldn’t pick between the two, so this is what I came up with.” Daniel leaned forward with his arms crossed on the table supporting his weight. “Let’s get ramen on the night before the debut evaluation. Then if we both debut, then we’ll go back here!” Seongwoo had on qualms with the plan so he nodded in agreement. “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind.” Daniel smiled like how a child would when his mom finally buys him candy and Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile at the childish display.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The Fantagio trainee would occasionally steal glances on Daniel whenever he isn’t looking or when he’s in the middle of telling an anecdote about the ‘Open Up’ team.

 

His heart rate has been going up and down for the past hour that it would put any roller coaster to shame.

 

 _Maybe I’m being too conscious of how I act?_ Seongwoo thought to himself. Its been awhile since he’s had a proper get together with Daniel and that was before his friends made him think about their relationship.

 

“...woo… ngwoo.. Seongwoo!” The trainee in question jerked in surprise and looks towards the source of the voice. “Are you feeling okay? You suddenly stopped reacting to my stories” Seongwoo blinked in realization and racked his brain for an explanation to not make himself look like a creep when he realized he was staring at Daniel.

 

“Ah.. well.. I uh.. I just suddenly started thinking about what could happen tomorrow, you know? With the third elimination approaching and all that” He replied with a sheepish grin. Now that thought deserved a mental high five.

 

Daniel hummed in response and looked back at the cityscape that spread out in front of them. “Third ranking announcement huh.. don’t worry. You’ve been doing fine, the national producers love you! The fact that you’ve also been in the top 10 since day 1 is another reason why I’m confident you’ll make it. I’ve also been doing my best to be a part of the debuting team and if my efforts pay off, then I’m sure we’ll make it. I’m determined to keep that promise after all.” Daniel looked back at him before giving him that smile that hides his eyes.

 

“Let’s debut together, okay?”

 

Seongwoo’s heart skipped a beat at those words. Daniel just used the exact same words he told him during the Sorry Sorry aftermath and he couldn’t help but let out a huge smile.

 

“Yeah, lets debut together Niel-ah”

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The third ranking announcement was just as quick as the second. They were only going to take 20 trainees after all. Unfortunately, Seongwoo’s rank has slowly been going down and he’s currently at the 8th spot. It's a high rank but it's still close to the cutline. The mere thought of being possibly cut off when he’s just one step away leaves a heavy feeling in his chest. He’s come so far only to be cut off in the end.

 

But no, he’s not going to give up. Daniel just became the new number 1 trainee and showed he was determined to fulfill that promise. He wouldn’t want to let Daniel down, not when they’re both so close to debuting together just as promised. However when little Woojin was eliminated, it broke his heart. Daniel and Woojin had the cutest relationship despite having a 7 year gap in terms of age. Now, he could only watch as Daniel tried to comfort Woojin and now had the youngest trainee crying in his arms. He’s done enough to comfort Woojin which is why he left Daniel with Woojin to let them have their time together.

 

Every trainee was very talented and it hurt to see how many of them were already eliminated despite the potential each trainee possessed. Seongwoo couldn’t help but feel teary-eyed at this elimination. They started the season with 101, and now they were down to 20. The final group for debut evaluation and the final chance for debuting into the project group. It will only last for a year and a half, but it's enough for a person to bask in the feeling of achieving their dreams. Throughout the whole time Seongwoo was approaching every eliminated trainee, Daniel stayed beside him and placed a comforting hand on his lower back.

 

Eventually, the eliminated trainees had to leave and it hurt to see them all go. But they had to remember that this was a competition. It was only natural that people would leave every ranking announcement to narrow down the trainees to 11.

 

The debut evaluation assignment was set to be given in three days, sooner than what everybody initially thought. The remaining 20 trainees were called into a room where BoA, the nation’s representative, explained how the debut evaluation will take place. Compared to the first season, the debut evaluation this time would make use of two songs namely Hands on Me and Super Hot.

 

Just by hearing the demos, Seongwoo already knew what song would fit him more. Now he only hoped that he wouldn’t be pushed out of his spot. Starting from Youngmin, each trainee picked their positions and his chance to pick his position drawing closer. Now that it was his turn, he settled with a sub vocal position.

 

He initially had the desire to be the song’s main vocal which is why he joked around Jaehwan’s portrait that was plastered onto the main vocal slot. But this was the debut evaluation stage. If he messed up, he could be the very reason why the whole team goes down. Seongwoo wouldn’t want to burden everyone because of his inexperience in taking a crucial role so he had to give up his desire to be a main vocal.

 

Daniel had the same desire of making a decision that could benefit plenty of trainees and not just himself. If the MMO trainee wished to be a rapper, then the rapper to be transferred would be forced to be a main vocal. A position that requires plenty of skill under a position they do not specialize in. Therefore he chose to transfer Sungwoon to give the ‘Super Hot’ team a trustworthy main vocal.

 

And so, the final lineup for each song was now complete.

 

After choosing their desired positions in each song, the trainees gathered in two different training rooms. As usual, each team underwent the voting for leader first to have someone lead the entire process. Everyone went silent, not one volunteering or nominating someone for the role of leader. Seongwoo was hesitant. He hasn’t been a leader in the whole competition and he hasn’t really shown if he had the capabilities to lead. But if no one else was going to volunteer, then he wanted to challenge himself.

 

He waited for a few moment, fingers nervously drumming on the floor in front of him. Still no hands raised, no sign of anyone else being interested either. Seongwoo gathered all his courage and took in a deep breathe before he could chicken out on his own decision.

 

“In this case, I would like to try this out.”

 

Haknyeon looked at him with a hint of surprise “Oh, hyung? As leader?” Seongwoo nodded in reply and everyone hummed in acknowledgement. Their reactions were quite.. Ambiguous. Seongwoo couldn’t really tell if they agreed or not since no one made a sign of approval or rejection.

 

“Oh, what is this? You guys don’t seem to like the idea?” Seongwoo was becoming nervous but Jaehwan immediately retaliated that thought and reassured him “No, no, not that we don’t like it, don’t misunderstand.” Yet, they all looked doubtful about him taking the role of leader and was even interrogated if he could fulfill his roles well. Since everyone seemed doubtful, he thought about backing out. They seemed hesitant to appoint him with such responsibility after all.

 

“I think Seongwoo will be fine.” Daniel said in Jisung’s direction and the older MMO trainee immediately followed with his own comment “Ong Seongwoo leader”. It’s as if the two had an unspoken agreement on the spot to support their friend and Seongwoo was more than thankful for their intervention of he was going to combust on the spot.

 

Despite all the doubtful looks and questions, Seongwoo was finally appointed as leader and Daniel gave him an encouraging smile with Jisung’s unique ‘fighting’ gesture. Seongwoo smiled back as if he meant to give a silent ‘thanks’ towards Daniel’s encouragement. The MMO trainee gave a small thumbs up and Seongwoo proceeded to facilitate picking the center.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The day everyone has been waiting for is finally closer than ever. It was now 5:48pm on the 15th of June, just a few hours away from the day of the live broadcast for the debut evaluation. Seongwoo and Daniel were now on their way to where they first ate ramen together after the first debut evaluation just as they both promised.

 

It’s as if nothing changed. Seongwoo would still make silly jokes and Daniel would always laugh no matter how corny or lame it would sound to other people. The only thing that was that different is their reasons why they were there. They first came here to celebrate their ranks and for avoiding elimination but now they’re here to relieve their nerves before the debut evaluation itself.

 

From the mood to the flow of the conversation, everything was going well. Even their practice session earlier went well and he couldn’t be happier. For his first time being leader, he could give himself a good pat at the back for a job well done.

 

The thought of encountering the chance of debut face-to-face, just being literally one step away, makes his whole body tingly in anticipation. “The more I think about it, the more it seems like a dream. It’s just so close you know?” Seongwoo said with a hint of wonder in his voice when he looks back at Daniel. “Did you ever think what it would be like to finally debut?” Daniel gave him his usual childlike smile and started to ramble on what it would have been like according to his thoughts.

 

Although it was Seongwoo who asked, his thoughts were distracted seeing Daniel happily rambling on about the possible future. Nothing makes Seongwoo happier than seeing Daniel with the biggest smile on his face similar to how it was now. Before they could reach closing time, Seongwoo paused Daniel’s rambling and told him to continue it outside while they walk back on the way home. Daniel agreed and both trainees paid for their food before venturing out into the streets of Paju back to the dorm.

 

Daniel continued to ramble and Seongwoo would occasionally laugh or give any reaction. That was until he looked to his right where Daniel was walking beside him. The moon wasn’t full that night, but the angle made Daniel looked ethereal. Seongwoo was left breathless, the moonlight bounced off of Daniel’s face in a way that it made his facial features look sharper and more attractive in his eyes. He was unconsciously leaning closer as if an invisible force suddenly held onto him slowly inching closer towards Daniel—

 

“Seongwoo?” The said trainee snapped out of his thoughts and looked directly into Daniel’s eyes. “Is there something wrong?” Only then did the raven-haired male notice how they were merely inches apart from kissing. Luckily, it was too dark for Daniel to see if Seongwoo was indeed blushing when he felt heat rising up his face. “Ah.. well..uh.. I just--... um..” Seongwoo became frantic when he just realized what he attempted to do.

 

He actually attempted to _kiss_ his best friend.

 

“I just uhh.. I just thought I saw a piece of green onion on your cheek but I guess I was wrong” Seongwoo gave Daniel another glance and looked away “Yep, nothing there.” The Fantagio trainee gave out a strained laugh and continued to walk while fiddling with his hands behind his back.

 

Seongwoo couldn’t believe what he just did. He just had a sexual intention towards his one and only best friend, Kang Daniel and the guilt started to eat him up inside. The very thought of loving a person of the same gender was already a cardinal sin to his father who was a pastor, let alone to God Himself. Seongwoo could feel his eyes water at the very thought of his disappointed father. He has been a good son and not once has he sinned against him. Yet, here he is bearing one of the heaviest sins he could possibly commit.

 

“You’re eyes suddenly look glossy, are you okay?” Once again, Daniel broke the older male out of his thoughts and conveyed genuine worry in his eyes. “Nah I’m fine, it’s just that I um.. I just did a quick yawn while you weren’t looking. The exhaustion must have made my eyes water.” Daniel believed him anyway and looked to the front once again “You do have a point there”

 

Seongwoo mustered the most convincible smile he can before looking away from the younger male. He will not let himself taint such a pure and innocent soul. He’ll do whatever it takes to carry this burden alone.  


_It would be wrong to drag such an innocent existence along with this sin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely going to post the rest within tomorrow so it should be complete by then woop woop but for now my bed calls to me


	3. Produce 101 (Finale)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of the Produce 101 series/Basically episode 11

It was finally the D-day itself. The 16th day of June.

 

In a few minutes, the live broadcast will finally start. With everyone already clad in their respective uniforms, all 98 trainees were now backstage preparing for the final Nayana stage of the finale. Everyone was feeling ecstatic seeing their other fellow trainees who were about to perform alongside them again for the last time. Amidst of it all, Seongwoo mingled among the already eliminated trainees asking how they were after the competition while some of them wished him luck in the upcoming evaluation.

 

Finally, the producers told every trainee to find their positions to commence the final Nayana stage. When they were finally at the stage in front of a large audience, Seongwoo could feel the adrenaline and excitement coursing through his veins.

 

The final 20 were already standing on the stage along with BoA to finally start the broadcast. The senior singer made the necessary opening remarks before she finally declared the start of the broadcast followed by a short reminder narrated by Lee Woojin on the voting process. Then there it was, the most familiar song every trainee has probably grown tired of since the start of the competition. This is it, it’s the Produce 101 finale and his family even came to support him. It’s a do or die situation from this point onwards and he is more than determined to go all out.

 

When the Nayana stage finished, the final 20 rushed back into the changing rooms to change into their final stage outfits that corresponds to each debut song. There were screens inside the waiting rooms so the trainees themselves could see what was happening on the broadcast which just announced the group’s official debut name.

 

Wanna One.

 

As explained by BoA, “It has the meaning of Nation’s Producers and the top 11 boys together as one.” _Not bad, it actually has a nice ring to it._ Seongwoo thought, now clad in his all black stage outfit with the black blazer hung on the sofa he was currently sitting on while waiting for his turn for make up.

 

The broadcast was currently showing the trainee’s preparations for their debut evaluations songs and he was curious what scenes made the final cut so he continued to watch. Its not like its easy to makeup twenty people after all. Besides, the Super Hot team was going to perform first so the Hands on Me team had to wait. Seongwoo was in the middle of being amused at the Hands on Me’s attempts at the killing part when the vacant spot beside him suddenly sank down. And to his surprise, on his right now sat Kang Daniel dressed in his own stage outfit. A wine-colored dress shirt and tight black jeans that accented his legs perfectly. Just like Seongwoo, Daniel hung his blazer onto the sofa and watched alongside him. “Ah so they’re showing this part too.” Daniel said to no one in particular (probably to himself, its a habit of his that Seongwoo never understood).

 

It was now broadcasting their dance class when Daniel joined him on the couch and Seongwoo felt awkward. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault, he was just reminded of the fact how he actually tried to kiss the trainee beside him so he started fidgeting with his hands.

 

They haven’t spoken a word since they were both absorbed in the broadcast until Daniel suddenly hit him on a playful manner when Seongwoo’s turn as the center showed up in the final cut for their dance class. “Ohh, overflowing charisma right there!” He said in a teasing manner while repeatedly poking Seongwoo’s cheek (or shoulder whenever he would dodge Daniel’s poking) and the older trainee couldn’t help but be embarrassed.

 

“Stoooooop” He said while playfully hitting Daniel repeatedly with a childish pout on his face. Daniel only laughed and patted his hair in a careful way as to not ruin the style. “Alright alright, Seongwoo-ah should stop whining now” The raven-haired male faked a  tantrum and pretended to ignore Daniel when he crossed his arms and the brunette had to apologize (still with a teasing undertone of course) until Seongwoo finally gave in and laughed at their silly antics.

 

The two continued to watch until the staff called them all out. “Hands on Me team, please approach the stylists now for your turn!” All 10 trainees of the ‘Hands on Me’ team replied and started to make their way to the stylists while the ‘Super Hot’ team was already leaving to wait backstage. Every trainee cheered and wished each other luck and on hoping they could all fulfill their dreams together.

 

Unfortunately, Seongwoo couldn’t watch their performance since they were currently re-styling his hair while others were retouching his makeup. By the time the ‘Super Hot’ team was done, the ‘Hands on Me’ trainees were already making their way backstage. Seongwoo was the last one to leave and Daniel was there waiting for him. The Fantagio smiled and continued to make his way backstage before he noticed the way Daniel was looking at him as if something was not right.

 

“What’s wrong?” Seongwoo asked as he stopped a few steps ahead of Daniel. “Something seems to be missing there… Ah! I know! Wait there.” Daniel jogged back to the changing room and Seongwoo was left confused but nonetheless he waited for the younger trainee to return.

 

When Daniel came back, he held a long black collar in his hands and Seongwoo was once again confused. “Here, you should wear this. It goes well with your whole stage outfit!” Daniel said with a smile while handing the collar to his friend.

 

“Where’d you get this?” It’s not like collars just fall from the sky so he was curious.

“The stylist first planned for me to wear it but it didn’t fit the entire outfit so she didn’t push through with the idea but I think it’s going to suit yours” Daniel gestured for him to try it on and Seongwoo played with the end of the choker between his fingers. He was hesitant to tell Daniel that he doesn’t usually wear chokers so he didn’t know how to put it on.

 

Well fuck it. What else was he going to do?

 

“...I don’t know how to put it on.” Daniel only blinked in response before it took him a moment to process what the other just said. “Oh, well okay I’ll help you.” Before Seongwoo could reply, Daniel took the choker from his hands and went closer. “Just tell me if its too tight so  I can loosen it for you.”

 

Seongwoo unknowingly held his breathe and felt his heart rate go faster at the sudden lack of proximity. Daniel was literally right in front of him, his face so close to see if he was doing it right that he was practically breathing down the older trainee’s neck. Seongwoo was preoccupied with his thoughts when he suddenly found it difficult to breathe and he suddenly remembered why Daniel was this close to him in the first place “Too tight too tight!” Seongwoo patted Daniel and the other male fumbled with the choker “Sorry sorry! There, is that better?” Seongwoo only nodded and Daniel finally took a step away from him with a grin of accomplishment. “There! I knew it’d fit your outfit.”

 

It was only then that he noticed he held in a breath he didn’t even recall doing and let out a deep sigh in relief. “Come on, I think they’re just waiting for us.” Daniel didn’t bother waiting for a reply and held clamped his hands onto Seongwoo’s wrist to drag him along towards backstage. Everyone was already in position and they just got there in the nick of time.

 

Daniel let go of his wrist to go to his own spot on Jinyoung’s other side while Seongwoo stood on the opposite side. Before they song played, Seongwoo glanced to his right and saw Daniel giving him a smile and Seongwoo had to lip read his next words.

_Let’s debut together, okay?_

 

Seongwoo instantly smiled and replied with an eager nod before ‘Hands on Me’ started to play signaling the start of their performance.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Just like any other performance, Seongwoo was left feeling ecstatic. Everyone did well and no one made a mistake. But he didn’t have much time to dwell on cloud 9, they had to change outfits again for the last song. A song to repay the love they have all received from the nation’s producers, ‘Always’.

 

Seongwoo remembered how everyone was surprised to see they were going to record that day. But when they all saw the lyrics, they became excited since it conveyed everything they they wanted to say to the fans who have supported him from the start.

 

And now, it was finally time to perform that song that contained all their unsaid thanks. With a quick retouch to their makeup, all the trainees were now lined up on the edges of the stage with microphones in hand.

 

It wasn’t just towards the fans, the Seongwoo also contained words that he’s always wanted to say to his fellow trainees who kept him optimistic until the end. But of course, it also contained the words he could have told Daniel if he wanted to. Fortunately for him, that was the first part he had for the song so he gave a quick glance to his left where Daniel also stood before looking back at the crowd and raising his microphone to his lips.

 

 

**_Despite getting exhausted because it’s hard,_ **

**_I gain strength when I think of you looking at me, smiling._ **

 

Memories he had of the whole competition was rapidly flashing through his head and at least half of those were filled with Daniel’s smile, his laugh, and his worried face. Daniel has been there from the start and they have been together ever since. Seongwoo was there when Daniel broke down during the Sorry Sorry stage and when he hurt himself for b-boying in Get Ugly.

 

 

**_Wherever I am, I’m always yours_ **

**_I’ll always give you a back hug by your side_ **

**_I’ll hang on you like a bear, I’ll embrace your back_ **

**_I will always protect you_ **

 

In return, Daniel was there when he came back to the dorm when he ran in the rain and Daniel supported him when he attempted to be leader for the first time. If Daniel wasn’t there to wait for him during the rain, he might’ve actually caught a cold. (He’s really thankful he didn’t)

 

**_All the days are filled with memories of you_ **

**_You’re all main in my life, everyday_ **

 

Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile at the lyrics. In his case, it was the truth. Memories filled his thoughts once again but this time it filtered itself to the ones with Daniel in it. He remembers how they would play around. How Daniel would always looks after him despite being the _hyung_ between the two. And how Daniel looked under the moonlight last night.. and back to that attempted kiss. But his mind went blank when the next lyrics hit him hard.

 

**_Just like the word ‘forever’, let’s stay together_ **

**_You and me, just like this without changing_ **

**_I will love you with just one heart_ **

**_I promise_ **

 

And suddenly he was reminded that if it was between him and Daniel.. There was never going to be a forever. Heck, they can’t even be together let alone a forever. At this point, all he can do is keep his feelings from anyone else especially Daniel. Now, the song that was suppose to be for the fans and the people who supported him, instead became a wake up call to the harsh reality that he placed himself in and he has never related to a song as much as he did now.

 

**_Though I cannot express all of my feelings,_ **

**_It’s okay because you know everything and smile_ **

**_I’ll stay by your side, the one who’s so beautiful_ **

**_I forgot the way to stay away from you_ **

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

It was finally the moment that everyone has been waiting for, the announcement of the debuting members top 11 to debut under the project group Wanna One. All top 20 trainees were now in a triangle in the center of the stage, waiting and hoping for their names to be called.

 

The rankings started from 10 to have the 11th trainee announced last. With much tension filling the air, every chair was starting to be filled. Seongwoo couldn’t be more happy seeing his friends being able to debut but he wanted to debut alongside them too. During the last ranking announcement, he was at rank 8 and yet here they are at rank 6 after calling Guanlin as the trainee under rank 7.

 

Seongwoo wasn’t confident about being called into the top 5. They have yet to call Daniel and Jihoon and even Daehwi, Samuel, and Jonghyun were still with him hoping for their names to be called. If he didn’t make it to 6th, then he’s probably done for at this point.

 

“This trainee during he start of Produce 101 would never have thought he would have a high rank and rise to become a member of the debuting team” Seongwoo held his breath. Everyone would have the same thoughts during the start of the competition. He still had a chance-- “Park Woojin, congratulations.” In an instant, his heart sank. The 6th spot was his most possible chance and it was taken from him. He didn’t hate Woojin. If anything, that boy deserved all the praise and he most definitely deserved his spot in the winning group.

 

Seongwoo accepted his fate, he just had to wait for the competition to be over and he’ll be back to being a Fantagio trainee. Maybe their CEO would put him into 5urprise after all. The ranking announcement wasn’t over so he continued to listen to the nation’s representative curious on what the rankings of the remaining five will be.

 

“In Produce 101’s first broadcast level evaluation test, among those who confidently entered the A class, he is one of them.” Seongwoo gave it a thought. _It’s definitely Samuel or Daehwi._ The tension was rising and so were their nerves. Just when he was about to zone out since the announcement was taking so long, BoA resumed the narration and announced Rank 5 has a total of 984,756 votes. _Uwah, its close to a million now._ BoA raised the mic to her lips and finally announced the 5th trainee.

 

“Fantagio Ong Seongwoo”

 

He couldn’t believe it, just when he was about to give up he experiences a twist of fate and was still given the chance to actually debut. The trainees crowded around him teasing him here and there with all the encouraging pats and sneaky pokes to tickle him until he was eventually being pushed out of their small mob to finally go to the front.

 

When he got out of the small mob, he felt a pat on his arm and saw Daniel on his left looking at him with all smiles. Seongwoo couldn’t hold back his happiness and immediately pounced onto Daniel out of excitement. He held onto Daniel while the younger trainee gave what was probably the tightest hug yet while he kept whispering praises in his ear. Eventaually, Seongwoo had to let go and went to the front to give out his speech. He barely recalls what he said that night, but he was pretty sure he thanked everyone who had supported him and that’s what definitely matters.

 

When he reached his seat, only then did he bask in happiness and finally let himself relax. He looked back down at the trainees and his eyes immediately zoomed in onto the only MMO trainee left who was looking up at him with a smile. If he read it right, Daniel just mouthed him a ‘ _Congratulations!’_ and Seongwoo mouthed back ‘ _Join me up here soon!’_ to which Daniel nodded in reply before BoA resumed the ranking announcements.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo couldn’t be happier. They are now down to the #1 and #2 spot and the screens flashed none other than Park Jihoon and Kang Daniel, just as what everyone predicted. Nothing else could compare to the feeling of knowing that he’s about to debut with his friends, but most especially his Best Friend throughout the entire competition. They have long promised each other’s companionship to debut together, and now here they are fulfilling each other’s promise.

 

Daniel looked up at him while he walked down the center with Jihoon. As if to encourage him, Seongwoo smiled back with a quick ‘ _Fighting_!’ that made Daniel grin before he looked down and went back to walking. The atmosphere was tense yet filled with anticipation for what’s to come next.

 

Both trainees have expressed their thanks as being a nominee for #1 and expressed their thanks to their supporters who have helped them reach where they are now. They have come come a long way to be known and both have claimed the #1 spot at least once in the whole competition. Now, it all comes down to the announcement of the group’s center, the #1 trainee for the debut evaluation.

 

Everyone held their breath, the studio was silent except for the tense music that played in the background that just adds to the tension filling the air. The silence was long and suffocating to those who have been waiting for this very moment… until the show went to a quick commercial break. Everyone in the studio gave out a sigh of either relief or frustration depending on the situation.

 

The two trainees were left standing on their spot with every right to feel nervous. No doubt they were going to debut, but now it’s a battle of who’s going to be the group’s center. From Seongwoo’s peripheral view, he saw BoA return from backstage which most definitely means the show is about to resume filming. Once the nation’s representative has regained the attention of the audience, the once relaxed atmosphere immediately shifted back to a one more tense than before.

 

“MMO Kang Daniel and Maroo Ent Park Jihoon are up on stage as candidates for Rank #1. Before we reveal the nation’s producer’s long awaited choice for final #1..”

 

“..MMO Kang Daniel, how do you feel about being up here?”

 

Daniel gave it a thought before he replied, “Although I really it’s such a big honor to be here again for the second time, vying for #1. Thank you so much to the nation’s producers for letting me come up here again.” As usual, it was ended with his smile before BoA asked for Jihoon’s thoughts.

 

Seongwoo was unconsciously drumming his fingers on his knee trying to calm his nerves. He (most especially the fans) couldn’t wait any longer. “In this case, who will be our final number 1?” Even he is already dying to know. “Now without anymore delay, #1 ranking will be revealed”

 

“Longing after his dream to debut all this while, this person will definitely be the group’s first Center main role” The suspense was killing him and the drumming was getting faster. Seongwoo could no longer distinguish if the drumming he felt was the fingers on his knee or the rapid beating of his heart.

 

“Produce 101, the #1 trainee is…”

 

_Someone just announce it and stop this music already…_

 

“With 1,578,837 votes…”

 

Seongwoo took a deep breath...

 

“MMO Kang Daniel”  

 

...and stood up in shock along with the other trainees while applauding in excitement.

BoA had a smile on her face before she glanced at her cue card and looked back at Daniel. “You are Produce 101’s final rank 1. Please let us know how you feel” Even Daniel was speechless and paused before he brought the mic to his lips

 

“For this really, extremely honorable place, thank you very much” Another pause and he looked back up at the crowd of supporters waving around banners with his name “For being there no matter what happened, for giving me the strength - my family. To my mother and father, I love you very much. And to the national producer’s who voted for me, thank you so so so much I really love you all.”

 

Daniel took a glance around the studio until his eyes landed on the other trainees who were in the audience as well as the trainees who stood in front of him, the remaining 10 trainees of the top 20. “And you already know it goes without saying, to my 101 friends, really..” The MMO trainee also looked behind him and saw the trainees he’d be spending the next 1 and a half year with and looked back to the eliminated ones in the stands “Although not in this 11, it would be great  if we could all do well and meet on the same stage some day. Ah.. thank you so much, I can’t even express how I feel right now in words, thank you very much”

 

Seongwoo was exhilarated and unintentionally drowned out Jihoon’s speech in the process. But alongside his exhilaration was the thoughts of having to strictly hold back these unwanted developed feelings for someone who would never look at him the same way. If word were to be released about them spending plenty of time being around each other, the press could misinterpret it. He won’t let that happen for the sake of protecting their career. Such is his fate that he could only accept with a sad smile. If that’s how it is, then he might as well make the most out of their promotion period as Wanna One.

 

Seongwoo was distracted from his thoughts when Jihoon and Daniel started to ascend the stairs. He first hugged Jihoon and congratulated him before his eyes became fixated on Daniel. They immediately made eye contact before Daniel could even approach Jisung and they both smiled out of elation for finally achieving their dreams alongside their promise.

 

He watched as the now #1 ranked trainee hugged Jisung and Minhyun before he ascended the stairs to their level. The moment their eyes made contact, Daniel immediately became playful and started to dance to their iconic Get Ugly routine before grabbing Woojin’s hand and dragging him to the group hug between the four trainees.

 

Daniel pulled away first and Seongwoo was almost shocked at the sudden proximity since their faces were mere inches apart, they just pulled away from a hug after all. Seongwoo’s cheeks would probably hurt from all the smiling later on but it didn’t matter since he was beyond happy. “Congratulations, I told you ever since our Sorry Sorry stage that you’d make it” The younger trainee gave him a shy smile “Thanks for all the help, hyung” he gave Seongwoo’s hand a quick squeeze before he continued to climb the steps towards the chair at the very top. After his last hugs with Daehwi and Jihoon, Daniel finally reached the top and gave respective bows while Seongwoo cheered on with much vigor.

 

Daniel finally claimed his seat, and the excitement was still high. Every trainee in the top 10 took their seats again but Seongwoo would look back up at Daniel and his heart would swell with pride. The next months were bound to be stressful and packed but nonetheless he was excited to finally live his dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY THIS IS DEFINITELY THE LAST ONE 
> 
> Got school tomorrow and after this is going to be the Wanna One Go episodes now so yayy
> 
> BEFORE I TEMPT MYSELF TO POST ANOTHER CHAPTER, I SHALL GO TO BED
> 
> GOOD NIGHT~ :D


	4. Wanna One Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of stressful elimination shows and the start of a new kind of suffering.

It was finally time for the trainees to move in into the dorm set to accommodate them for their entire promotion period and Seongwoo was more than excited. After their live broadcast for the season finale, the finale concert wasn’t too far away but that also went by in the blink of an eye. Now, all 11 members of Wanna One are finally going to start living under one roof and he was downright excited. 

 

The very first thing he noticed was the staircase and that itself was enough to make him happy. Everyone was exploring the dorm all at once it was somewhat chaotic but everyone was too excited to care. While he was having a very animated conversation with Jisung, the voice of an old man suddenly interrupted them and Seongwoo was caught off guard. 

 

That was until his eyes led him to Daniel who was just pretending to be an old man. Oh how their positions were so convenient right now, he immediately went into acting because of their similarity to one famous scenario.

 

“Oh.. Romeo~” He said in a dramatic manner with his arm reaching out to the male on the second floor. As if a telepathic connection passed between Jisung and Seongwoo, the two members draped their arms over one another’s shoulders and continued to call out to Daniel “Ohh~ Romeoooo~”

 

“Isn’t it Juliet?” Daniel replied with confusion lacing his tone. 

 

_ Well, he did have a point. _

 

“Oh~ Juliet!” Was their instant improvisation with a sudden pun coming to him “Then I’m Rome-ong~” Daniel laughed at the remarked and proclaimed himself as ‘Daliet’ while flipping around imaginary locks of hair. Few minutes later, after their enthusiastic exploration of the dorm, the members finally gathered for the room allocation. 

 

Of course, none other than their eldest hyung Yoon Jisung would facilitate the allocation process. When he asked if there’s anyone that must absolutely be together, Daniel immediately answered first and said he wanted Woojin as a roommate to speak in a dialect comfortably. Seongwoo made a small smile, honestly he was lowkey hoping he be the one Daniel wanted to be roommates with since he was obviously Seongwoo’s number one choice. 

 

And so, the members settled with the same method during the position evaluation to keep everything fun yet thrilling to see who your roommates will be. Order was decided by a quick game of rock-paper-scissors and Seongwoo was one of the first four to choose a room. If memory serves him right, he recalled Daniel dwelling on one of the small rooms earlier and how he found it comfortable. 

 

_ Hm.. maybe if I stay there, I’ll at least have a chance, right?  _

 

After a moment of contemplation, he enters one of the smaller rooms for three and looked around. Nobody has yet to occupy the room. Seongwoo placed his bag into a corner and settled on one of the beds and waited. But he was no ordinary person and there was no way he was just going to sit there and wait. 

 

That was when he thought of a brilliant idea. Seongwoo smirked to himself and and sat on the floor. If his soon-to-be roommate was going to stay with him for a while, then they need a proper welcome. And so he laid down on the floor and inserted himself into the space below the bed to wait for his roommate (victim). 

 

Just when he positioned himself perfectly, the suddenly opened and Seongwoo saw the pair of feet walking around the room to make sure if no one else was really there. “Oh what is this? Why is there no one?” Seongwoo bit his lip to prevent a laugh from escaping. Of all the people he could pull this prank on, it was the easiest person to scare. He could distinguish that voice anywhere and it was most definitely Yoon Jisung. 

 

While Jisung hummed a song to himself, he quickly patted on the folded blankets of the bed. “You’re here! Ah what?” Seongwoo could tell his hyung was becoming confused and would probably accept that there really wasn’t anyone there anytime soon. 

 

_ Now is my chance--! _

 

Seongwoo outstretched a hand and reached out towards Jisung’s legs with a growl and Jisung immediately yelped in surprise before falling back on the bed with a laugh. Seongwoo bursted out laughing on his spot on the floor. Jisung’s reaction was  _ priceless  _ and he definitely thought hiding beneath that bed was worth it. Both males ended up laughing out loud all over the floor and of course Seongwoo had to celebrate this epic plan. He knelt down onto the floor and raised his open arms as if showing that ‘ _ Yes, this is the moment I’ve been waiting for’.  _

 

“Damn, you really got me good! I can’t believe you actually thought about doing that!” Jisung said in between laughing along with Seongwoo. Amidst their laughs, the Fantagio trainee heard another member going down the stairscase. “Hyung! We should do that to the last person too!” Jisung eagerly nodded at the thought “Good idea! Quick! Go hide!”

 

Seongwoo eagerly nodded as well and laid stomach down onto the floor again before inserting himself into the space below the bed. On the other hand, Jisung inserted himself into the space behind the bed Seongwoo was under and used the luggage to hide himself. In just 5 minutes after they got into position, the door swung open and Seongwoo held back a smile.  _ Here comes the next victim-! _

 

Before he could time himself, his eyes made contact with another pair of familiar ones. Not expecting a change of actions, he himself was surprised at specifically two things. One was of course, his attempt to surprise their last roommate was ruined. Two, that last roommate just happen to be none other than Kang Daniel himself. Seongwoo had to drag himself off from under the bed since his attempts failed, but Jisung has yet to reveal himself so Seongwoo trusted his hyung to do the honors. 

 

Just as he was pretending to settle down on the top bunk, Jisung popped his head out from the space and Daniel immediately yelped in surprise. Guess the prank wasn’t such a fail after all thanks to his trusty hyung. Now that Seongwoo had properly seen his roommates, he thought it was more than perfect. 

 

Jisung, the group’s mom, was here to look after them. Most importantly, Daniel was here. The man he had hopelessly fallen for even if he knew the consequences. Seongwoo felt his heart ache at the thought, but he was going to see this as an opportunity to make the most out of it while he still had Daniel within his reach.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

After the staff approached him for a special part of the broadcast, here now stood Seongwoo in the common room with a fake mike and Woojin as his oh-so reliable cameraman. “Ongie wants to know, yes thats right. Wait what time is it now?” Woojin checked the time before he went back to looking at the screen “So we are suppose to be unpacking our things right now… invasion! Ah I meant attack” Seongwoo nodded and looked back at the camera lens “We will inspect what kind of things they’ve brought here” And so, the duo proceed to enter each room to find out what each member has brought to the dorm with them.

 

The duo first entered the room of 3 people comprised of Jinyoung, Daehwi,and Jinyoung before entering the larger room of 5 trainees. All the items ranged from food, a toaster courtesy of Sungwoon, colorful clothes that obviously belong to Jihoon, and a low frequency stimulator from Woojin. Before they could move on to Jaehwan, the main vocalist wanted all the members present when he opened his carrier so Seongwoo went out and gathered everyone into the large room.

 

Once Jaehwan revealed the contents of the carrier, everyone was amazed at the array of present Jaehwan prepared for them. While everyone was either amazed or thanking Jaehwan, Seongwoo jokingly claimed his and thanked him before pretending to leave the room with his present. Everyone else followed suit before Jaehwan called them all back to the room which everyone eventually did. All members of Wanna One sat in a circle in the big room that night just talking amongst themselves. 

 

Seongwoo randomly sat at a vacant spot which just happens to be beside Minhyun while he didn’t notice Daniel follow him and sit on the spot beside him. Seongwoo blinked and surprise annd smiled anyway to not make his surprise obvious before he looked back to the center of the group. Seongwoo wasn’t in high school anymore and yet whenever Daniel brushed against him, he could feel his heart race and Daniel’s warmth linger whenever he brushes his arm against his.

 

If it was going to be like this, then the next year and a half is definitely going to be tough. But no, this is the only time he could spend time with Daniel. After their disbandment.. There’s no guarantee they can still see each other.  _ But will Daniel even care? _ He didn’t want to doubt his friend, but somehow the negative part of his brain always finds a way to insert itself into his thoughts. That night, they spent the first night as Wanna One and Seongwoo slept with a heavy heart at the thought. 

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

All the members were still fast asleep when all of a sudden, an all too familiar songs blasts inside their dorm. About halfway through the second verse, majority of the members are up and about and lingering at the doorways of their rooms. Not like anyone could move as they please due to the sudden presence of red strings tangled all over their common room. 

 

Once every member was gathered outside their rooms, only then did Jaehwan notice a suspicious looking box by the edge of the coffee table. Jisung made a move to reach for the box and went through under the strings. Jaehwan suddenly mimics the sound of a buzzer and declares that Jisung failed. 

 

And so, Wanna One mission impossible started. First contender, Park Woojin. Woojin made a smooth jump over the strings and was very close to the box. Just an arm’s length away. “It’s no fun” or at least it was before he went back to his spot since ‘it was no fun’. Next to volunteer was Ong Seongwoo himself who claimed he could originally do these things before. By making use of his limbs, Seongwoo finally gets the box and hands it to Jisung who opens it only to find a mission card.

 

For the next 24 hours, members will be connected with another member according to who the fans voted their partner to be. They will be connected by a red string that’s not more than 1m and will be reduced by 20cm everytime one of them gets angry at their partner. Members will know who their partner will be by following the red strings tangled in the whole dorm starting from the end attached to their beds. 

 

In all honesty, Seongwoo was hoping he got paired up with Daniel. Whatever this mission was, he wanted to do it with Daniel no matter how much it makes him sound like some lovesick school girl. By now, the current pairs are Minhyun and Jaehwan, Daehwi and Jinyoung, and the trio made up of Jisung, Sungwoon, and Woojin. There were only 4 of the members left: Jihoon, Guanlin, Daniel, and Himself. 

 

_ There’s a pretty good chance I was paired up with him. _

 

“Next will be Kang Daniel and Ong Seongwoo, set off together”

 

Seongwoo carefully undid the rope scattered all over the dorm and would wind it into a ball in contrast to Daniel who continued to unwind as long as the rope gets untangled. Seongwoo was too busy winding the rope properly when all of a sudden, the other end of his rope was raised so he looked up only to be face-to-face with Kang Daniel himself. Seongwoo was happy of course, he wanted to do the missions with Daniel after all. (Whatever the task was) Of course, it automatically means that Jihoon and Guanlin are automatically each other’s partner.

 

Before anything else, the members were tasked with writing on the boxes of the vitamins as a thank you gift to those who voted for their 1x1=1 mission pairings. Seongwoo was following the list of name given to them and wanted to check on Daniel’s progress to see if he was going to slow. “Who are you writing that to?” Without looking, Daniel replied “To you.” Seongwoo raised an eyebrow but smiled afterwards “Then I’ll write to you too” 

 

After writing his short message, Daniel handed him the vitamin with the message ‘What are you doing?’ while Seongwoo handed him his vitamin with the message ‘Stop it’and they both laughed it off. But to Seongwoo, it could mean more than what it simply says. 

 

‘ _ Stop me from loving you, stop being so cute to make me stop my feelings, stop me from being hopelessly in love with someone like you’ _

 

Once the members finished their messages, each pair helped each other fix their appearances and get ready for the day. At least an hour later, everyone was finished and was now gathered in the common room to be briefed about their 1x1=1 mission. 

 

“Have you decided on team names?” One of the staff asked just to make sure.

 

Daniel looked at him as if they had an unspoken cue and said their team name together “OngNiel is Science.” Oh how he wished it wasn’t just a team name. The staff then proceeded to brief them about their current schedules for the incoming mission. After asking for suggestions on a holiday, the staff gathered their ideas and arranged schedules according to what the pair suggested. The schedule created by the staff will now be how the members of Wanna One shall spend their last days living an ordinary life before debut. 

 

As a bonus, everything they would do on their respective schedules will be completely sponsored by the staff therefore hyping up the member’s excitement. After briefing them about today’s activities, the team’s were now told to enter specific vans that will take them to the destinations for their activities. Seongwoo couldn’t be more excited to spend a day with no one else but Kang Daniel himself.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

At least 15 minutes has passed and they have yet to reach their destinations, leaving the ‘OngNiel is Science’ team impatient and looking at road signs to try and predict their destination. Daniel glanced up at the road sign ahead that read ‘Seoul Station’ “Are we going to Busan?” He voiced out in a hopeful tone.

Seongwoo instantly recalled a memory during their Produce 101 days “Ah it’s here, that time you--” Daniel instantly made a knowing sound and leaned back on his seat “Ahh, during our Produce 101 days, on our rest day I made a single day trip to Busan. At that time, Seongwoo-hyung came out to meet me at Seoul station.” 

 

The older of the two smiled at the distant memory. “At the start before Daniel arrived, I told you it has spread on SNS that you are arriving at Seoul station. I lied to you that there were a lot of fans here” Daniel smiled at the memory they were trying to recall and looked out the window with a smile “And I believed you like that but no one was there”

 

The pair continued to talk about anything before Daniel spotted a signage on his side of the window. “Oh, rental car” Both members leaned onto Daniel’s side of the car to look and surely it was a car rental. “Are we going on a drive?” Seongwoo asked with excitement written all over his face. Daniel glanced at him and saw his excitement since even he was getting hyped “Looks like we’re fulfilling our wish”

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

‘OngNiel is Science’ team finally finished the booking process and was now in the car with their red links removed for the time being. At first, they were driving around the city while basking in the excitement of their own driving trip until they had to come up with a destination. “So where should we go?” Seongwoo hummed in thought and tapped his fingers on the wheel “Why don’t we fulfill that promise now?” Not like Seongwoo could look at Daniel to gauge his reaction, he had to keep his eyes on the road.

 

Daniel blinked in confusion before the said promise clicked in his head “Oh! You mean going back there if we both debut together? Then Gapyeong it is!” Throughout their entire trip to Gapyeong, Daniel would feed him snacks by bringing the biscuits directly to his lips since he couldn’t let go of the wheel. 

 

Seongwoo didn’t need to look to know how excited Daniel was. If Seongwoo were to squint, he’d probably see stars twinkling in the younger male’s eyes similar to child’s when a mom would say they were going to Disneyland. Then again, Seongwoo has always seen the universe in Daniel’s eyes. 

 

After at least half an hour, the duo finally made it to the mountain top cafe where Daniel was so amazed he could rival a child’s excitement. Seongwoo promised to bring him back here is they debuted together after all. It’s as if Daniel had never been here once but it was daytime right now so what he couldn’t see before could be clearly seen now.

 

Once again, they sat at the tables by the patio to get a good view of the mountains since Daniel was so insistent on it and Seongwoo just wanted to eat. Amidst their stories conversations and anecdotes, Daniel suddenly thought of calling the other members to see what they were doing. After deciding to call Jaehwan, the two teams started to chat and check on each other’s current activities and chat with Jonghyun and the others. All of a sudden, Seongwoo’s throat felt a little itchy. “Daniel, can you hold this?” Daniel first looked confused but took the phone from his hands anyway before he continued whatever he and Seonho were talking about. 

 

Seongwoo let out a dry cough and drank a bit of his drink until the itching eventually subsided before grabbing the phone from Daniel’s hand to end the call a few moments later. They resumed into their usual conversation while eating when a large fly suddenly hovered over Daniel’s shoulder.

 

Daniel immediately flinched away from the said bug and was now in a squatting position by the table, unable to move further because of the red string. Little by little, Seongwoo started to move away from the bug too therefore restricting them further with the red string getting stuck at the table. Daniel kept saying ‘ _ What to do’  _ as if it were a mantra that would scare the huge bug away until he eventually removed the red string out of panic.

 

“Yah! Dont’ leave me here!” Seongwoo whined in protest when he was left half sitting on his chair with the other end of the red string left abandoned on the floor. Daniel went towards his side of the table and helped him off his place with a hushed sorry before both members retreated to the other side of the patio. 

 

“Where is it?” Seongwoo would question while unconsciously moving closer towards Daniel to seek comfort. “There there there there THERE--!” Daneil suddenly ducked when Seongwoo was at least an inch away. The raven-haired male laughed at how ridiculous they probably look like right now but they both waited for the bug to go away before returning to the table. 

 

“OngNiel is Science team, your string will now be reduced by 20cm” Both boys looked confuse before Daniel recalled that he removed the string when he wasn’t suppose to. Back to their lunch, Daniel continued to eat with a fly swatter on the other hand for bugs continued to disturb their relaxation time as if they were trying to invade their private space. 

 

After jogging around the patio to avoid the bugs, both members eventually became tired and were lightly panting when they returned to their table. “Aish these bugs really.. They just won’t leave us alone!” Daniel wiped off the sweat starting to form on his forehead and nodded his head in agreement “Let’s go inside so we can cool off a bit” Seongwoo nodded in reply and was about to start walking when his throat suddenly felt all itchy again which initiated another fit of dry coughs. 

 

“You okay?” Daniel stopped when he felt the string tug him back and started to pat his hyung’s back “I’m fine” Seongwoo wheezed “Probably just tired from all the running” Daniel continued to pat Seongwoo’s back and reached for his drink on the table before handing it to the older male. “Here, just to get some moisture back in there.” Seongwoo accepted the drink with a silent thanks and drank its remaining contents before putting it back down on the table. 

 

“Okay, I’m fine now.” Daniel smiled and started to walk back again with Seongwoo following close behind. In the corner of his eyes, Seongwoo spotted a few tulip petals scattered all over the floor and shrugged it off as the wind being too strong.

 

There was just another thing that he didn’t notice that day…

  
  


… not a single flower was present on the patio. 

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

By the end of the day, every team was fetched from their locations and briefed about their upcoming activity. Apparently, they weren’t on their way home just yet. Even better, the staff still had another mission in mind to perfectly end their ordinary day before launching their idol life. So now here they are, all linked together with red strings and blindfolded to keep their next destination a secret.

 

All of a sudden, the van came to a stop and the staff started to guide the members down the van starting with Daniel since he was the closest one to the door. Seongwoo was slightly terrified with the loss of sight. As an act of seeking comfort, his hands automatically clamped onto Daniel’s broad shoulders, his warmth radiating to Seongwoo’s hands, effectively calming down his nerves. 

 

The members of Wanna One was then told to stand in one line before they will let the members remove their blindfolds. Seongwoo was tingling with a mix of emotions. He was definitely curious, but for some reason, the rising itchiness behind his throat distracts him from feeling happy. Before he could dwell in his thoughts longer, the staff finally gave the signal to remove their blindfolds.

 

“Alright, remove your blindfolds now!” All at once, the members immediately removed their blindfolds and immediately smiled once they were greeted by the sight of numerous rides and attractions. Of course there was a catch, they can only ride three because of their linked state unless they complete the mission that’s about to be revealed. If the mission was completed, then they have complete freedom over their choices of rides. 

 

All the members exploded in excitement, who wouldn’t want to spend their night in an amusement park until they’re too tired to even stand? They only had one task to complete, sounds simple enough so everyone glued their gazes onto the placard being held by a staff member. Once everyone read the mission, everyone suddenly erupted into chaos trying to sort each member out. 

 

Amidst all the commotion, Seongwoo started to piece together the pattern and the idea just clicked. “I know it!” He raised his hand to get everyone’s attention “Can I do it?”. Despite all their efforts, they were only close but it wasn’t enough.  _ Ah the amusement park chance… _

 

In the end, the group willingly accepted defeat and proceeded to their first ride similar to a roller coaster. Based on their reactions, anyone could tell it was Daniel’s first time. In the whole duration of the ride, his mouth was practically hanging open and not once did Seongwoo see it close in amazement. It wasn’t just the ride keeping him amazed, the giant puppy radiating childlike wonder had Seongwoo occasionally stare that he found him endearing. 

 

_ How would it be like if you would also look at me that way? _

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo looked the next attraction up and down as if he refused to believe his eyes.  _ Of course a haunted house was one of them. _ The raven-haired gulped at the thought and purposely lagged behind the rest until the red string would eventually pull him towards their other members. He doesn’t know how or when he developed the habit, but whenever he was scared he would automatically raise his hands to his ears and cover them. Throughout the entire walk in the haunted house, Seongwoo only kept his hands to his ears while a giant scared puppy held onto his own shoulders screaming his heart out with a scramble of satoori here and there.

 

The Fantagio trainee tried to drown out the sounds that encouraged his fears and instead focused on the firm pair of hands that held onto his shoulders as if it were a lifeline. Despite all the screaming Daniel has done, the warmth radiating from his body whenever he clings onto him helps his heart calm down. 

 

In the midst all the catastrophic screaming, Seongwoo would let out a quick cough and not once noticing the trail of tulips he left in his wake. 

 

The flower of unrequited love.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

_ Finally, something pleasing to the eyes.  _ Was the first thought that came to Seongwoo’s mind when he saw his fellow members wander into a small shop with a variety of headdresses. Every members was preoccupied with their own choices when a particular headdress caught his eye. It wasn’t much, just a blue ribbon with navy blue sequins lining every fold and yet, it reminded him of none other than Kang Daniel himself. He looked to his left and saw the younger member still looking through the designs. 

 

While Daniel was distracted, he took the headdress with a blue ribbon from the shelf and carefull placed it on the brunette’s head. The younger male was caught off guard until he only realized that it was just his hyung who happen to put one of his head. Curious with the choice, Daniel looked at the mirror and saw the blue ribbon now propped on his head. 

 

To his right, Daniel heard his hyung let out a suppressed laugh just in time when his eyes laid on a headdress with a pink design similar to a flower. Seongwoo was too distracted trying to suppress his laugh that his mind barely registered the headband that was placed on his head. When he looked behind him, the first thing that he saw was Daniel smiling with a hint of laughter at his choice. “There! Now we have matching headbands” Seongwoo looked to the mirror and saw the pink flower-like design on his head. 

 

Seongwoo wouldn’t admit it, but blue and pink was indeed a nice color combination. Before he could protest and pretend to not like Daniel’s choice, the staff called all the members and redirected them to the food where each pair got their own food to share among themselves. 

 

As expected, sometimes Daniel was such a child he’d still get the sauce on his mouth. “Yah Niel-ah,” Seongwoo called out while he took out the tissue that came with the food and brings it up to Daniel’s lips to wipe of the sauce. “You should be more careful, you could stain your clothes” Daniel replied with a sheepish laugh “Seongwooooo I can remove it on my own” The older male cooed at him as if to emphasize that he was still a baby no matter what he told him. 

 

Before anything else, the itchiness in his throat started to come back and Seongwoo turned towards the grass to let out the dry coughs. This time, amidst the darkness of the night, Seongwoo spotted freshly fallen tulip petals that contrasted the park’s dim glow. Seongwoo was confused when he noticed that their surroundings had no tulip in sight. Let alone the presence of any flower. 

 

Before the raven-haired male could dwell on the thought, Daniel handed him the drink they bought along with their food. “Here, maybe it can help with the coughs” Seongwoo smiled at Daniel’s concern and drank from the straw, the image of the tulip petals never leaving his mind.

 

Everything else that happened after that passed by like a blur to Seongwoo, thoughts preoccupied by the bundle of tulip petals. When he came back to his senses, they were now back in the dorm by the common room trying to figure out how to wash up for the night. In the end, the staff allowed them to continue the mission with their original partners.

 

Daehwi had given them their pajama gifts before they all did their evening routines that night. Seongwoo had no complaints, he actually thought it was just his style and Daniel’s was almost identical to his. Seongwoo was just staring at it in the mirror until he could sense Daniel’s impatience when he felt small pulls from the red link on his arm. 

 

It took them at least 10 minutes to reach a compromise of how they were going to sleep but it was still hard to adapt to. Seongwoo felt uncomfortable in his spot, squished onto the wall with the concept of space barely present between the two males. What could possibly be worse?

 

Oh right.

 

Having unwanted feelings towards the person that’s currently beside him trying to sleep. Seongwoo couldn’t help it, the way they’re literally squeezing onto each other makes his heart race. With their lack of distance, he just hoped that Daniel wouldn’t feel the rapid beating of his heart against his chest. If he could only create some sort of distance… which he can’t if it wasn’t for Daniel’s extremely wide shoulders. “Ah why is your body build so big… I can’t even see anymore!” He said in a joking manner before attempting to wander into dreamland again.

 

~ .oOo. ~

Thankfully, there wasn’t any ‘Nayana’ blasting through the speakers the next day and they actually got the chance to sleep in if they wanted to. But Seongwoo couldn’t go back to sleep when he woke up a dry throat a few hours later. He would have gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water but Daniel was still asleep, effectively keeping him stuck on the bed.

Not like Seongwoo would mind. He woke up facing the wall that morning with no sign if Daniel was still asleep. When he heard the shuffling of sheets he pretended to sleep until the movement eventually stopped and only rhythmic breathing filled the room. When no other movement occurred in the next minute, Seongwoo took the risk and turned around to face the younger boy who just changed his position and was now facing his companion on the bed. 

Seongwoo watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, how he would sometimes grind his teeth, and how he looked like the most innocent thing in the world. He could wake up to this view everyday and he wouldn’t even get tired of it. Yet, he only let out a bitter smile. He could wake up to this view, but obviously he can’t. 

The Fantagio trainee slowly reached out and brushed off some of Daniel’s hair and untangled the loose knots mixed along his smooth locks. The bed hair was very evident, but Seongwoo found it cute. He looked like the shark look children aspired to have when they would attempt to style their hair with shampoo. Seongwoo was entranced, he couldn’t look away from the purest image in front of him.

Daniel was more of a heavy sleeper based on his observations. The brunette hasn’t moved an inch from Seongwoo’s previous actions. The older male felt daring and brought his hand up to Daniel’s face. At first, he was hesitant but Daniel hasn’t moved at all so he gently placed the pad of his index finger on Daniel’s eyebrow before tracing his face down through his cheeks.He felt lost in admiration for Daniel when suddenly, he felt like he was about to cough and he immediately sprang up into a sitting position and covered his mouth to try and silence the incoming wave of dry coughs. 

Seongwoo’s throat felt dry since he woke up, but he was too distracted by Daniel to actually remember he needed a glass of water. Luckily, he was fast enough to cover his mouth before he started to release a round of dry coughs. His throat felt so dry it hurt like hell that he didn’t even notice Daniel stir in his sleep at the alarming sound of consistent coughing from the older male. 

It took him some time to notice before he felt Daniel’s on his back drawing comforting circles until his coughs eventually subsided while the older boy clenched the fist that was on his mouth just now.. When Seongwoo looked over his shoulder, his eyes came in contact with that of Daniel’s sleepy ones. “Fuck I’m sorry, I tried to be quiet but now I ended up waking up and I just--... sorry..” He looked down in embarrassment. Daniel could have slept more if it weren’t for his sudden coughing fit.

Seongwoo was fidgeting with his fingers out of nervousness when he . “It’s okay, it was getting too late anyway. Come on, we should get you some water for that throat of yours.” the MMO trainee pushed off the blankets and slowly got up before tugging on the string as if to tell Seongwoo too follow. The older man replied with a “Yes mom~” in the most childish voice possible before getting up and followed suit. 

“Just a minute, mind if you stay outside the door while I use the bathroom?” Seongwoo asked in a calm tone, a stark contrast to his already panicking mental state. Daniel nodded in reply and said that they could just close the door even with the links in between to let Seongwoo have his privacy. The older trainee smiled and muttered a quick ‘thanks’ before closing the door behind him. 

Seongwoo held up his clenched fist and saw some hints of color peeking out between the spaces of his fingers. He was hesitant at the sight but he had to confirm on what could that have been earlier. So when he opened his hand, the sight alone filled him with dread. His hands trembled in fear when his mind instantly recognized the color that he held in his hands.

_ Tulip petals. _

Just like the ones he saw in the restaurant and the amusement park. His hands started to tremble in fear when he pieced all the evidence together. His vision blurred as tears started pooling in his eyes, it wasn’t hard to figure everything out. Devastating wasn’t quite the word, but it overwhelmed his mental state of mind that he slid down the wall he was currently leaning on.

His one-sided love, the sudden dry coughs, and the flower petals itself..

The  _ Hanahaki _ . A disease obtained by possessing strong feelings of love towards an individual who doesn’t love them back. When the unrequited love grows stronger, so does a flower in the person’s lungs that drains them of their life energy. Hence, the coughing of flower petals as the most distinct symptom. If the person eventually coughs out petals with blood, then they don’t have much time left before the flower takes away every ounce of energy left. 

Everyone thought it was just a myth, an urban legend that everyone found ridiculous. Why would a flower grow in a person’s lungs anyway? Seongwoo used to ridicule idea, claiming it was anything but possible. Yet, here it is making him experience it first hand as if it was mocking him for making fun of the concept. Seongwoo was aware of the cure. There were at least two options, either he will get the flower surgically removed or Daniel has to love him back.

But there’s a catch. 

The flower is a manifestation of one’s unrequited feelings. If the flower were to be removed, then it will completely make him lose all his feelings towards Daniel. It was his most plausible option but he couldn’t bring himself to consider it. Not to Daniel.

To Seongwoo, Daniel was a lot of things. Back then, he was the kid who destroyed his attempts on a sand castle. Years later, he became his best friend in a survival show. And now, he was the very source of his emotional turmoil. Yet, Daniel’s smile is his light, his large body would be his source of comforting warmth, and even watching him dote over cats would be his entertainment. The raven-haired male let out a bitter smile, the world was indeed cruel yet fair. After giving him the chance to be happy, the world end it all with a mere flower placed in his lungs.

“Seongwoo?” Comes the voice of Kang Daniel “The others are starting to wake up. Are you still not done?” Too preoccupied by his revelation, the older male almost forgot about his mission partner waiting outside the door. Seongwoo scrambled to stand and furiously wiped away the tears that he didn’t notice was flowing down his cheeks. “Y-Yeah I’ll be out in a bit.” Luckily, the sink was just beside the door so he was able to wash up and make himself look more presentable before burying the tulip petals in their trash to get rid of the evidence.

The Fantagio trainee quickly fixed his hair before he finally opened the door revealing Daniel who was just about to knock again. “There you are, let’s get going! Jisung-hyung just called us for breakfast.” Seongwoo plastered his most convincing smile and proceeded to walk where everyone else was gathered. It hurt to see Daniel after his shocking revelation but it’s not like he would avoid Daniel because of it. If anything, he was going to maximize his remaining time with the one he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you may be thinking why tulip petals hahaha well.. 
> 
> The flower of choice was based off 'Hanakotoba' or the Japanese language of flowers where tulips represent one-sided or unrequited love. I've also read somewhere that specifically yellow tulips initially meant one-sided love too before the meaning eventually evolved to being associated with cheerful thoughts.
> 
> Soooo I'm finally home from school and I'll start posting the chapters one-by-one now, keep an eye out for it!


	5. Happy Together 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyung line appearance in Happy Together 3 and the aftermath
> 
> ** Probably the shortest chapter in the whole story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything else after Happy Together 3 is now heavily based on imagination so this is where things get... wild.

 

After their last ordinary day, the group barely had any time for themselves and became exhausted each passing day. With their jam-packed schedules, their sleeping hours kept decreasing until they eventually had to use concealers to hide the dark circles forming under their eyes. Jisung was all over the place taking care of the younger members to make sure they wouldn’t get sick while the older members could feel their eyes getting heavier each passing day.

 

Among the 11 Wanna One members, Seongwoo felt like the weakest. He hasn’t told anyone about the Hanahaki and he didn’t find it necessary to do so. Not when the very source of his feelings was with him in the same group and the same room. Alongside their packed schedule was the growth of the flower therefore adding more to his exhaustion. Who wouldn’t feel tired with a flower constantly leeching on him? Lucky for him, the coughs weren’t anything major and would usually occur at the rarest of times when it’s very easy to hide and shrug of as a cough because of the lack of sleep.

 

At the moment, they were all getting ready for their first variety show appearance in Happy Together 3. Every sofa or chair had at least one member sleeping on it while others looked like they would drain their energy before they even start filming.

 

Seongwoo wasn’t any better, he was with the members-scattered-around-trying-to-sleep group and yet he will always be partially tired no matter how much he would rest. During the first parts of the filming he was still fine and felt like he could still go on even after dancing to the entire choreo of ‘Nayana’ or his freestyle dance in their dance battle.

 

By the next part of the segment, only 5 of the members remained as potential recruits of the show. The only ones left were Daniel, Jihoon, Jisung, Minhyun, and himself. It was his desire to appear in a variety show after all for the sake of his greed for gag. When it came to his turn for introductions, he was able to incorporate every trademark he made from his Produce 101 days from the slate to his famous jeongmal’ line.

 

Throughout their entire filming, Seongwoo would occasionally glance or even take the opporunity of Daniel talking to stare. The genuine smile and happiness he always portrays is enough to melt anyone to the core. He even caught him talking to himself sometimes and it was always so adorable, really. People would often misunderstand and think that he was one of the quiet ones, but Daniel talks a lot. And by a lot he means… a lot.

 

“Do you usually talk to yourself a lot?” Yoo Jaesuk was just as curious as everyone else. For some reason, the other 4 members of Wanna One directed their gazes to him as if it was a question that was really meant for him to answer. Seongwoo instantly gathered his thoughts before he replied, “He smiles a lot.” It was definitely a given One could sit with Daniel all day and he won’t even stop smiling even if the said individual was a stranger.

 

“He laughs and talks all the time,” Just like how excited Daniel was when he brought him to that restaurant in Gapyeong or how he would laugh at the smallest of things “He talks about useless stuff,” Seongwoo would never forget that one. They were in their dorm room when Daniel randomly brought up the topic of the possibility of aliens having pets like how humans domesticate cats and dogs. Even at night when everyone is expected to be asleep, Daniel would still be the most talkative one when he sleep talks about the most random things like his cats Rooney and Peter.

 

Moving on through the segment, the MCs transitioned to the next part of the segment which basically evaluated their skills towards attracting girls since it’s what they considered as an important factor if they were to hire a new member. They were given different scenarios, the kind that were highly possible in real life such as having someone flirt while they were in a relationship and now they’re about to simulate how they would remedy a misunderstanding. Seongwoo has been doing fairly well and he could pat himself on the back for that. He even got praised that he could be an actor and that complement alone is enough to make his confidence rise.

 

Yoo Jaesuk once again explains the scenario to make sure they all get the same idea. “If there was a misunderstanding between you and your girlfriend, how would you handle the situation?” _Easy enough_. Seongwoo thought to himself, he loves making people laugh after all so he would use it usual playful tactics.

 

“From my observation, Seongwoo is good at acting. He’d play a great female role.” The said member let out a sheepish smile at the compliment. They were actually acknowledging his potential that they thought he could even play the role of the opposite gender. At this rate, his confidence might be off the charts.

 

“Seongwoo, you’ll play the girl. You’ll be Miss Ong”

 

“You have to press him to talk”

 

“Is Daniel going to go first?” Wait what-- Shit he thought it would be Jihoon since they were just beside each other. Seongwoo gulped at the incoming scenario. He had to act like Daniel’s girlfriend who was throwing a tantrum because of an understanding.

 

Daniel’s. Freaking. Girlfriend.

 

Well, he can’t do anything about it now. If he wanted to be an actor too then he’s going to have to suck it up and play his role without showing how giddy he was about the short ‘pretend relationship’ they were going to have.

 

It’s not like it’s something he’ll be able to have with Daniel after all.

 

Seongwoo finally switched seats with Jihoon for their convenience and he eyed the bottle on the side which he decided to use as their substitute for the gift. He would have internalized the role earlier if Daniel wasn’t staring at him with such excitement. Seongwoo took a deep breathe, leaned back and crossed his arms before bringing the bottle up to their eye level.

 

The older male looked at it and let out a small laugh as if he were mocking the said object in his hands. “What is this?” He started with the most irritated tone he could muster before slamming it down on the table and crossing his arms in front of him. He watched as Daniel got flustered on how he can resolve the situation before going for a safe approach first. “That is… umm.. It’s nothing. This was.. I think there’s been a misunderstanding. It was given by a friend who happens to be a girl”

 

Seongwoo very much portrayed how he wasn’t impressed by such an excuse. “Ahh a friend. Do friends give something like this to each other?” Daniel was just looking more flustered at the minute “No I mean umm a friend..” The older male cut him off before he could finish “You got yourself a nice friend.” He wasn’t going to let himself get easily swayed even if it was Kang Daniel who was trying to pacify his pretend irritation. The younger male scratched behind his ears which Seongwoo remembered is his usual gesture when he’s trying to quickly come up with an idea.

Then Seongwoo saw it, a mischievous glint that flashed in Daniel’s eyes as if the perfect idea suddenly clicked in his head. The said male reached out his hand to try and calm his ‘girlfriend’ down “It’s nothing. I mean it” But Seongwoo was having none of that and shrugged him off “You went on a blind date?”

 

All of a sudden, Daniel brought his chair closer to him and Seongwoo would be lying if he said he wasn’t caught off guard when he was suddenly pulled into a hug “Hey, Come on. I’m sorry” In a huge turn of events, Seongwoo became the flustered one he had to forcefully bite back a smile to retain the ‘girlfriend-in-a-tantrum’ image.

 

“I’m sorry, I mean it.” Daniel said as he leaned back a bit to attempt to be face-to-face with his ‘girlfriend’ but Seongwoo kept his head away. He was just about to reorganize his next move when the younger male suddenly brought a hand up to his neck and poked him in such a gentle manner that it cracked his suppose-to-be image. “I didn’t know you then, Shorty” And that was the final blow, Seongwoo couldn’t hold back his smile anymore. Daniel was just so affectionate his heart couldn’t take it. Just a few more of this and it might just burst out of his chest.

 

“Can I like this?” Seongwoo asked to the MCs before he leaned back on Daniel’s arm finally letting go of his ‘stubborn girlfriend image’. Out of nowhere, a voice in his head suddenly reminded him that this was just a pretend relationship, a mockery of something they could never have which immediately killed all his hopes of ever experiencing something like this with Daniel again.

 

Seongwoo stayed in his position for a quick moment before he finally thought it was enough. “Alright alright” He said with a playful tone before completely shrugging off Daniel’s arm wrapped around his lithe form. Daniel didn’t seem satisfied with that. Before Seongwoo could completely escape and go back to his place, Daniel wrapped him with his arms again and Seongwoo became more flustered than ever. Since he already stopped his stubborn girlfriend role, he felt more embarrassed having Daniel drape himself all over him when he was already back to being Ong Seongwoo, a hopeless romantic who fell in love with his best friend and he basked in the only chance he’ll even experience this.

 

Seongwoo wouldn’t show it, but it felt disappointing when Daniel finally let his go back to his place. He wouldn’t mind being wrapped in the boy’s arms all day but he knew that was impossible. Everything after that was full of fun and games enough to distract Seongwoo from his already poor heart before they had to transfer locations for the filming in the library for the last segment.

 

While the members were talking amongst themselves of their experience and how they were guessing what the next segment could be, Seongwoo felt a sudden itch rising from his throat. _Not good, not good._ “Just a minute, I need to go to the bathroom quick!” He ran off before anyone could reply with a hand covering his mouth. Once he reached the bathroom, he was more than happy to see that no one was there and instantly went for the stall in the very end before removing the hand from his mouth and letting every dry cough out.

 

It really hurt, the back of his throat burned with every cough he made that he could feel his eyes water at the pain. The tulip petals were no different, some coughs would produce more petals than the rest that he would nearly choke on the huge number of petals coming out all at once. By the time he was done, he was now kneeling on the floor panting surrounded by an array of different colors of tulip petals. He felt exhausted after getting all those petals out of his system that he had to hold on to the toilet for support. Seongwoo eyed the petals and let out a bitter laugh. The tulip petals would have been a beautiful sight if it weren’t for the reason why they were there in the first place.

 

Seongwoo took a moment to collect himself and gain a bit of energy before gathering all the petals on the floor and throwing it all into the toilet to flush it all down. The raven-haired male stood there and watched as every petal was flushed down to make sure that no petal was left behind to raise any suspicions. Just when he exited the cubicle, Minhyun entered the room and both immediately made eye contact since there was no other person besides Seongwoo. “What took you so long? We’re about to start the filming.”

 

“Ah.. right” The younger of the two 95 liners quickly washed his hands and rushed out to not let them wait any longer. Minhyun told him to go on ahead since he just needed to quickly use the bathroom and Seongwoo complied immediately going on ahead. Once Minhyun was sure he was gone, he walked to the center of the bathroom and picked up the lone tulip petal that flew onto the corner of the bathroom where no one else would have seen it. Minhyun eyed it with suspicion and placed it in his pocket before leaving the bathroom to go back to their set and start the filming for the next Happy Together segment.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

It was already 4am by the time the hyung line returned to their dorms after the Happy Together filming and everyone was exhausted that Jisung had to approach them one-by-one just to remind them to wash off their makeup. Seongwoo insisted he’ll be the last to wash up, not because he was lazy but he felt like all his energy was drained the moment he plopped down on his bed. He didn’t do anything exhausting after his little incident in the party but if he coughed out that many petals, then the flower was definitely growing.

 

Was it because he felt so happy during their ‘pretend relationship’?

 

Did he end up loving Daniel more than he should have?

 

Indeed, one’s feelings were hard to control. No matter how much he tries to suppress his feelings, they would always come back to him and hit him full force just when he thought it was about to disappear. Then again, when did his feelings ever reach the point of nearly disappearing?

 

Seongwoo almost fell asleep when he suddenly coughed without warning and threw him straight into panick mode. _Shit shit shit why now--_ He didn’t have to think twice. He jumped off his bed and immediately went for the nearest bathroom where Minhyun just came out of. “Oh Seongwoo, finally decided to wash up e--” Seongwoo had to cut him off just to get into the bathroom and shut the door behind him before finally leaning over the toilet and coughing out all the flowers stuck in his throat. Similar to the previous fit, everything burned in pain. His throat, his eyes brimming with tears that eventually fell down his cheeks, and his hands because of the intense grip he didn’t know he had on the toilet.

 

He didn’t know how long he took in the bathroom that night. When he finally came to his senses, he was already leaning on the wall staring at the tulip petals that littered the floor. How could something so beautiful mean something so cruel? It was a struggle to finally move and clean everything up when his whole body feels like dead weight to himself but he eventually flushed every flower petal down when he was 100% nothing was left after checking the surroundings three times.

 

Seongwoo stood up straight and glanced to the mirror and saw how weak and exhausted he looks. The concealer has long been smudged and partially erased by his tears that one could already see the dark circles beneath his eyes. Even his eyes itself were already red and puffy from all the crying with the tear stains now dried on his cheeks. _How pathetic._ He thought to himself before finally washing off his makeup and opening the door only to bump into a slightly taller figure. Seongwoo muttered a quick apology before he looked up and was greeted with a poker face from none othen than Hwang Minhyun.

 

And then it came to him. He recalled passing by someone when he bolted to the bathroom earlier before shutting the door behind him and letting out the petals congested in his throat. Seongwoo gulped and hoped for the best.

 

“Minhyun why are you still aw-”

 

“How long?”

 

Minhyun cut him off before he could fully internalize into his acting mode and Seongwoo was beyond nervous that his hands were probably trembling at this point. Did Minhyun hear everything? Will he tell Daniel if he knew? Seongwoo tried to mask his fears by forcing a laugh that just came out like a strained call for help.

 

“What do you mean? I’m fine.”

 

Minhyun frowned, “You know very well what I mean” Seongwoo remained silent as he fidgeted with his fingers. Minhyun wasn’t stupid. Anyone would be worried hearing their friends having a violent coughing fit in 4 am in the morning. Before Seongwoo could come up with an excuse, Minhyun beats him to it.

 

“How long have you had the Hanahaki?”

 

Seongwoo’s thoughts were immediately cut off and his mind was thrown into panic. How could he have possibly know? He only heard the coughs, it’s not like he could deduce the disease from a mere sound. He wasn’t some Sherlock Holmes who could figure out what you ate for breakfast by looking at your clothes. He doesn’t know how he retained his poker face that time, but he definitely needed it. The Fantagio trainee faked his nerves with a chuckle pretending the idea seemed ridiculous. “What are you talking about? Not every coughing fit is related to the Hanahaki. Didn’t I tell you how ridiculous that disease was before?”

 

Seongwoo was able to put up a front but his facade crumbled when Minhyun held up a lone tulip petal. “What’s this then?” Minhyun questioned as he saw Seongwoo eyeing the petal in his hand. “Minhyun please, anyone can pick up a tulip petal anywhere. Heck that lone petal doesn’t even prove an-”

 

“I found this in the bathroom when you had a coughing fit during the break in our Happy Together filming.” Seongwoo’s mouth clamped shut and his facade of being fine broke. Minhyun patiently waited for a reply and watched as Seongwoo finally took a deep breath and replied barely above a whisper. “Not here, please?” The older male hesitated. They had a schedule coming up soon and they needed a bit of rest but his friend needed him right now so he nodded and let Seongwoo lead the way.

 

Their dorm room was at the very top floor of the building which gave them an access to a small balcony away from the hearing range of any member when in their rooms. Seongwoo leaned over the balcony using his arms as support trying to organize his thoughts while Minhyun leaned back on the bars feeling the cold night air pass between them. Seongwoo won’t be able to hide this one, not when Minhyun has enough evidence to piece it all together.

 

Minhyun was the first to break the silence “I was there during your entire coughing fit.” Seongwoo’s eyes widened in surprise and looked back at his friend. Minhyun looked away to view the cityscape that spread across infront of them. “Jisung-hyung told me to follow you incase something happened. You were a celebrity after all and you had no guards or manager with you so I agreed.” The younger 95 liner fidgeted with his fingers while Minhyun continued with his story.

 

“I caught up to you even if you practically ran away so I had to catch my breath before I entered the bathroom. That was when I heard a violent fit of coughs.” Seongwoo butted in when he grew curious “Why didn’t you enter to check on me then?” Minhyun tapped his finger against his own crossed arm while he was deep in thought. “I thought it might not be something you were ready to tell.” The younger male couldn’t deny that, he knew he definitely wouldn’t ready if Minhyun were to face him during that time.

 

The atmosphere was slowly becoming tense, soon enough they would probably be able to grasp it in their hands so Seongwoo had to try and lighten up the mood. “Well you were definitely right about that, I might just end up wetting myself in panic” he replied with a brief chuckle. But Minhyun didn’t look impressed. “When did this start?” _Straight to the point as always._ Seongwoo thought to himself for a while since he himself didn’t figure it out earlier.

 

“I’m not very sure.. maybe during our lunch in Gapyeong for Wanna One Go?”

 

“Seongwoo, it’s been at least a week since we finished filming for that!”

 

“Actually, it’s been exactly 5 days.”

 

“That’s not the point!” Minhyun let out a frustrated sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Seongwoo, you know what happens if you don’t get this flower removed. You just achieved your dream! Are you going to let it end here?” Seongwoo remained silent while looking down at the floor to avoid his friend’s. worried gaze but it just pushed Minhyun to the edge.

 

Before Seongwoo could process what was happening, he was suddenly grabbed by the collar and forced to look at the slightly taller male “Ong Seongwoo fucking answer me!” The said male was taken aback. Minhyun has always been the calmest member of the group, not once leaning towards anger. Yet, here he is yelling at him that he felt shocked yet frustrated. Seongwoo himself also felt frustrated that he unconsciously raised his

 

“I can’t do that to him! He’s not worth losing for my dream!”

 

“Who could possibly be more important?! The hanahaki is caused by one-sided love, this guy might not even love you back! Why throw away everything for someone who wouldn’t even look at you the same way?!”

 

“I just can’t bring myself to cut him off my whole life! Not when he’s always been there for me the entire competition!”

 

Minhyun paused before it finally clicked. “This ‘he’ you keep saying.. this is Daniel, isn’t it?” Seongwoo couldn’t bring himself to reply but his silence was enough to confirm Minhyun’s suspicions. Minhyun didn’t know what to say and so they fell into another tense silence while the older male’s hands slid of Seongwoo’s now crumpled up collar.

 

“Seongwoo..” Minhyun started, similar to that of a defeated tone “It’s not going to be easy, but at least consider the surgery. I .. No, all of us in Wanna One wouldn’t want to lose you because of something like this. Consider it for the team, okay?” Seongwoo could only nod in response to ease his friend’s worries. “Alright.. I’ll keep it in mind.” Minhyun could tell he wasn’t serious, but it was all up to Seongwoo after all. He wouldn’t want to force him to do something he didn’t want to. Despite the insincere promise, Minhyun nodded as a sign of acknowledgement.

 

“Thank you” Minhyun replied with a sad smile before going back into the dorm leaving Seongwoo to his thoughts in the cold night air of the balcony.

 

If Seongwoo was thankful about one thing, it would be the fact that Minhyun was the one who found out. The following days after that, Seongwoo could feel the weakness caused by the flower taking effect. It started out okay when all he felt was fatigue but overtime he was just really.. tired. Minhyun has been that good friend that keeps his secret from anyone else and he was very thankful for that. At the very least, he had something to turn to if things get tough with the Hanahaki.

 

Minhyun has been watching him whenever they practice to make sure he was still doing okay. Although Seongwoo sometimes finds it creepy, he knows it was just Minhyun being worried about his physical condition. Whenever he would feel an itch rising from his throat, he would casually excuse himself before running to the bathroom once he’s out of view. Whenever that happens, Minhyun will often follow a minute later to soothe him by drawing circles on his back with his hand to help him cough all the petals up and help him clean afterwards.

 

They’ve been at it for at least two weeks now and each passing day, Seongwoo just feels weaker by the minute. It was during these times that he was thankful he was an actor. Seongwoo could feel like he would collapse at any second yet show that he was the happiest person in the world. Fantagio has helped him hone his acting skills to the point that putting on a facade was no longer a problem that anyone could easily be fooled.

It was during one of their ‘Burn It Up’ practice sessions when Daniel started to get worried. His hyung has barely talked to him lately because of their schedules. If they did have free time, both would be equally tired and go straight to bed to catch up on sleep. But lately, Daniel has started to notice the dark circles forming under Seongwoo’s eyes. Little did he know that Seongwoo would usually wake up in the middle of the night because of another coughing fit that would make itself known in the back of his throat.

 

Daniel thought his hyung just couldn’t cope with the schedule yet. But this practice session had him worried. Seongwoo was his usual bright self, smiling along with the others and making jokes to make everyone laugh. That’s when Daniel started to notice the changes. Whenever they practice, everyone would usually be out of breath because of the repetitive rounds for practice but Seongwoo seemed like he would collapse any second if the heaviness of his breathing wasn’t worrisome enough. Lately it takes the older male longer than usual to regain his strength and would even skip a few rounds of the routine saying that he was too dizzy or the fatigue was getting to him.

 

Daniel could definitely see what he meant. When they practice a round without the Fantagio trainee, Seongwoo’s head would bounce up and down as if he found it very difficult to stay conscious. Another thing Daniel noticed was how Seongwoo’s smile instantly disappears when he thinks no one is looking. The Wanna One center watched Seongwoo interact with the maknae line joking about how Guanlin looks awkward when doing a certain dance move.

 

Amidst all their jokes, Jisung suddenly called all of them to gather since their food was here. Seongwoo teased Jihoon for constantly complaining how the food wasn’t here yet and Jihoon pretended to be angry and playfully threatened to fight him later which received a coo from Seongwoo.

 

The moment the maknae line turned their backs, Seongwoo’s smile instantly faded as if it had an off switch that could instantly wipe off the smile from his face. Daniel was taken aback. Never had he once seen the smile fade so easily, it would usually take a while until the smile eventually subsides.

 

While his hyung was distracted, Daniel casually approached him as to not make it obvious that he was worrying about him. “Hyung, let’s go~ Jisung-hyung just called, let’s go eat together!” He said with his typical cheerful self. Though it didn’t escape his observation when he saw Seongwoo flinch before he instantly recovered with his cheery facade.

 

“Ah~ Niel-ah missed me too much~ But sure let’s go~” the older male exclaimed before raising a fist in the air as if to show how hyped he was with the lunch break. The gesture only made Daniel worry more but he didn’t let Seongwoo see that or he might scare him off. What if it was something he wasn’t ready to let the others know? He wouldn’t want to force his hyung to do anything. In the end, Daniel just followed suit and ate with the rest with Seongwoo on his right to let him monitor him from time to time.

 

Little did he know that Minhyun has already caught up to his acts of watching over the younger 95 liner and was watching the unsuspecting Daniel from the other side of the table.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Another sleepless night filled with violent coughing fits as Minhyun and Seongwoo are once again in the most isolated bathroom in the dorm to not risk being heard by the rest. Seongwoo just finished another coughing fit which is why Minhyun was once again beside him soothing him by once again drawing circles on his back with his palm. Silence filled the atmosphere and it took only a while until someone had the courage to crack the tense atmosphere.

 

“He’s getting worried about you, Seongwoo.” Minhyun muttered to his friend while they were now leaning on the wall staring at the tulip petals that scattered the floor. Seongwoo couldn’t deny that, he knew his friend was right. “You know he’ll eventually figure it out if you don’t do something about it. It’s been at least a month and a half.” The younger of the two knew that, it haunted him every night, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t want to live a life feeling like he lost something important in his life. “I know..”

 

Minhyun sighed before getting up and reaching out a hand to the other male, “Come on, we have to clean this up before anyone else needs to use the bathroom.” Seongwoo finally looked up from the floor and did a small nod before he hoisted himself up using Minhyun’s hand. Unfortunately, he overestimated himself and stood up with such force he always fell back down when he felt how heavy his body was getting. He didn’t have long, he knew that. But Daniel is worth it all, he can do it if it meant being with Daniel a little longer.

 

Minhyun stayed silent that night and focused on helping Seongwoo clean up the tulip petals off the floor. Tomorrow the group would now focus on the ‘Energetic’ dance routine and Seongwoo could almost laugh at the irony. Oh he was definitely ‘Energetic’ alright. It was already 3am by the time they finished cleaning up the petals and Minhyun insisted to help Seongwoo back to his room after they both finished washing up.Too tired to object, he didn’t stop Minhyun and instead dragged himself back to the room before shooing the older 95 liner away to change into his pajamas.

 

Before Seongwoo settled down on his bed, he looked to the single bed by the wall and couldn’t help but let out a small fond smile when he saw Daniel’s peaceful sleeping figure all tangled in blankets that barely covered his whole form. The raven-haired male sat by the edge of Daniel’s bed and watched how his chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern because of his breathing. Seongwoo hesitated, but he reached out and pushed out the brunette’s hair that covered his eyes similar to how he pushed them away when they slept side-by-side for Wanna One Go.

 

Seongwoo’s shoulders tensed and immediately retracted his hand when Daniel started stirring in his sleep and stayed still until Daniel turned to the other side with his back now facing the wall. The older male stayed frozen for a little longer until only Daniel’s steady breathing. He sighed in relief finally letting his shoulders loose before looking back at Daniel’s sleeping form.

 

Seongwoo doesn’t know what made him do it or where the hell he picked up all that courage from. The next thing he knew, he leaned forward and gave a chaste kiss to Daniel’s temple “I’m sorry..” He muttered to himself before he finally got up from the bed and settle in his own finally letting sleep take over his senses.

 

That was when Daniel finally opened his eyes when he was sure Seongwoo was fast asleep.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Another ordinary day, another ordinary dance practice for their ‘Energetic’ dance routine. Except, today wasn’t so ordinary as he thought.

 

It started out greater than expected. Seongwoo has missed having long hours of sleep that he woke up feeling more refreshed than ever. Thank God they were given at least one free day to rest up. Seongwoo was the last to get up that day but the members have seen how weak he’s been lately so Jisung let him sleep in.

 

“Goodmorning~” He lazily greeted with the most genuine smile he’s had since the past weeks. Everyone seemed relieved he looked better than ever. If anything, he was practically glowing that moment when he let out the biggest smile once the atmosphere into a comfortable and playful one.

 

Minhyun observed from the side and was happy at his friend’s current state. It’s as if he never had the Hanahaki in the first place. Meanwhile, Daniel was observing the Fantagio trainee from a distance while he would laugh along with them. He was happy with Seongwoo’s current state but he couldn’t stop thinking about his hyung’s words.

 

_Why was he sorry?_

 

The four words have been swirling around his head, trying to figure out why it was necessary. But if his hyung was back to being his happy-go-lucky self, then thats all that really mattered. Everyone had a smile on their faces that morning but despite being given a rest day, they decided to spend half the afternoo until evening to polish a bit of their ‘Energetic’ dance routine.

 

The first few rounds, everyone was hyped since it was a performance their fans have been waiting for. If the energy was really high, sometimes they would even sing along to the lyrics or make bad attempts at rapping that only initiated more laughter. The whole day was perfect as if everyone’s worries just magically disappeared.

 

Until the time came to show them that it was just the calm before the storm.

 

It was already early evening at around 7pm when the unexpected happened. The members were still in the practice room working hard on the polishing of their ‘Energetic’ choreography. By now, Seongwoo has remembered all of his cues like the back of his hand. They were already at the start of the 2nd chorus with Minhyun already finishing up his part while Seongwoo prepared for the transition to his.

 

Just when he made the small leap to their formation for the second half of the chorus, Seongwoo doubled over when a sudden urge to vomit attacked him without warning. Before he could stop himself, he coughed out a large number of petals definitely more than the previous ones he’s ever released. In an instant, Minhyun was by his side trying to calm him down and soothe his entire being. His eyes watered at the pain while his arms started trembling in fear as he stared at the tulip petals falling from his lips. It’s not the scenario of being caught that terrified him.

 

It was the presence of a red substance on both the floor and more on the tulip petals.

 

There was blood starting to mix with the petals and he was beyond terrified. Every member was stunned, too shocked to witness such revelation. Everyone knew of the infamous Hanahaki . To witness one of his coughing fits themselves, it didn’t take long before the members started scrambling for help. Minhyun was just beside him, trying to calm him down and get his attention. But he was too panicked and distracted by the tulip petals staring back at him in mockery. The older 95 liner started to grow worried, Seongwoo wouldn’t rip his gaze away from the mess he created even if Minhyun was making soothing gestures on his arm. Instead of calming him down, Seongwoo’s breathing quickened and his hands reached for his ears as if he was trying to shut the world out while repeatedly muttering ‘No’ to himself.

 

He had two reasons to panic, one was everyone finding out his biggest secret and second was the blood coating the petals. Seongwoo slowly started walking backwards to get away from the mess while Minhyun was trying to calm him down by standing in front of the mess of petals to obstruct his view. Seongwoo only stopped when he bumped into someone else. When he turned around, he came face-to-face with no one else but Kang Daniel himself with worry and panic written all over his face.

 

“I’m sorry..” He said in a hushed apologetic whisper which only made Daniel more worried. Daniel was trying to talk to him but to Seongwoo, the world suddenly went mute and his knees suddenly gave up on him.

 

And before he knew it, his whole world went pitch black.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo was immediately rushed to the hospital after he instantly blacked out in the practice room. The maknae line were still shaken up after the event that Jisung told them to go back to the dorm and tell no one about the incident to prevent the press from getting their hands on this story. Only the hyung line followed Seongwoo to the nearest hospital and the silence in the car was tense. No one else but Minhyun knew about his condition and he couldn’t help but grow nervous for his fellow friend and bandmate.

 

Once they reached the hospital, all four members, Jisung, Sungwoon, Minhyun, and Daniel looked for the doctor in-charge of Seongwoo. Everyone knew about the Hanahaki so the doctor didn’t have to explain much. But they had to make the choice for him since Seongwoo was currently on standby in the operating room. Jisung nodded in acknowledgement before saying that they needed to talk about it for a while so the doctor now left the four alone.

 

“We need to get it removed,” Jisung started with a defeated tone indicating that he didn’t want to do this either. Daniel and Sungwoon gave a small nod, but Minhyun couldn’t accept it. Not when Seongwoo himself didn’t want to do this for the sake of his feeling towards the brunette who now stood in front of Minhyun. “But Seongwoo didn’t want to do this, he wanted to avoid undergoing the procedure!”

 

“Hyung, he’s going to die if we don’t get it removed.” Daniel didn’t think this would be fair to the raven-haired male either, but he just wanted his hyung alive than to watch him walk closer towards death each passing day “I can’t bear losing my friend, hyung.” Minhyun was left speechless, he wanted to respect Seongwoo’s decision but there was no other way to save him at this time.

 

With Seongwoo’s life on the line, it was now or never.

 

The Pledis trainee clenched his hand before he sighed in defeat. “Seongwoo’s not going to like this..” Sungwoon approached him and patted his shoulder while Jisung came and gave him a hug. “We know,” Sungwoon started “But it’s for the best. We can’t let him die yet.” Minhyun could only nod and the two older males let him go and went to look for the doctor with Daniel following them. Minhyun was left at the corridor looking down on the floor with tears of guilt pooling around his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Seongwoo.. But it’s for the best.” He took a deep breath before following the other three members to notify the doctor about their decision.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo woke up heavy that he couldn’t lift any of his limbs at that time. He groaned when the bright light directly hit his face but it took him just a few blinks to adjust to the brightness. Since he couldn’t move any other part of his body, Seongwoo resorted to turning his head and lo and behold, there was a brunette asleep with his head on his arms by the edge of the bed and the other Wanna One members asleep at the sofa by the wall.

 

At that moment, Jisung along with Sungwoon and Minhyun entered the room with what seemed to be take out for the others. Seongwoo’s eyes immedaitely came in contact with Jisung that the older male was immediately elated with a huge smile stretched across his face. The eldest hyung placed the food down onto a table before he excitedly woke everyone up repeatedly saying “You’re hyung is awake” to the maknae line. All the members immediately sprang up to their feet at the news and were indeed happy when they saw their Seongwoo-hyung now awake although slightly disoriented but still awake. Daniel was the last to wake up because of all the noise around him. Before he could complain, his eyes came in contact with the raven-haired male on the bed he was just sleeping on and his eyes immediately widened surprise.

 

Daniel, along with the other members gave him a group hug when he was finally aware of his surroundings. But when Seongwoo’s eyes fell on Daniel, he couldn’t explain why a stray tear fell from his eyes. Seongwoo himself was confused but the other members thought he was just crying tears of joy. Seongwoo just followed along and pretended it was even though he was most definitely sure that was not the case.

 

After at least half an hour later, visiting hours were finally over and Jisung had to drag almost everyone of the members away. Before anyone could think about it, Minhyun volunteered to stay with Seongwoo for the night and Jisung let him do as he please before he let the maknae line say their quick farewells and finally left the room. A short silence filled the room before Seongwoo looked towards Minhyun.

 

“Hey Minhyun,” The said male hummed in acknowledgement before he faced his friend on the bed “Who was the brunette sleeping here by the edge?” He asked while pointing at the spot where Daniel was sleeping earlier.


	6. Facades and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the Hanahaki surgery and its consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already finished the divisions of the long ass one shot so this ends in 8 chapters with a total word count of 40K, hope you enjoy/prepare for whats about to come :)

Minhyun was taken aback by the statement. “That was your friend, Kang Daniel. The one you met throughout Produce 101?” He replied with a safer description as to not make Seongwoo raise any suspicions. The younger 95 liner looked confused at first before it finally clicked. “Ahhhhhh… MMO’s Kang Daniel, right? I didn’t recognize him without his pink hair” Seongwoo replied followed by a small laugh. Minhyun felt relieved that he didn’t completely forget Daniel, just that gaps in his memory seemed to have been an after effect besides losing his feelings. Minhyun was happy to finally have his friend back, but his heart ached at how the younger male could no longer remember let alone feel anything for the youngest MMO trainee.

 

3 days later, Seongwoo was finally discharged from the hospital and was now back at their dorm where he was once again engulfed in a group hug with him in the center. When everyone finally went back to their usual activities, Minhyun still stayed by his side answering questions he had and effectively avoiding anything related to the Hanahaki or why he was in the hospital in the first place. Thankfully, Seongwoo didn’t completely forget Daniel but there were some gaps to his memory.  _ Probably significant incidents related to his feelings.  _ Minhyun thought to himself. 

 

In the middle of their conversations by the couch, Daniel suddenly plopped down on the other vacant space beside Seongwoo. The younger of the two 95 liners looked to the new comer to greet him but he couldn’t explain why he felt nothing towards the other male. It wasn’t just because he just came, he literally felt nothing that his smile instantly faded. No hint of happiness, curiosity,sadness, anger, or any kind of emotion for that matter. It got him all confused but he kept up a happy facade to not let the younger male grow suspicious of him.

 

“Feeling better, hyung?” Daniel asked with his expression in a full on smile and if Seongwoo squints, he could probably see sparkles flying in his eyes. Minhyun quietly observed from the side. Being the only one who knows both sides, he couldn’t help but grow curious of how his friend would react to such a situation. This was the first time Daniel has approached him since the incident after all.

 

Seongwoo smiled in response but Minhyun could tell there was something wrong about it, like Seongwoo wasn’t sure if he should even smile. “Better than ever actually. The managers said I need at least one rest day though to make sure I’m back in shape.” Daniel nodded his head with a hum of agreement. A few moments later, Minhyun excused himself claiming he still had some things to do such as contacting his NU’EST members and the younger pair nodded before letting him leave. 

 

Seongwoo and Daniel talked endlessly after that as if they haven’t seen each other for a year when it has only been three days and Minhyun was relieved. Seems that losing the flower and his feelings didn’t leave much of an impact between their relationship with one another. 

 

But damn was he wrong. 

 

When Seongwoo and Daniel finally called it a day, both went back to their shared room after washing up together in the bathroom. Daniel practically plopped down on his bed and so did Seongwoo both tired for different reasons. Daniel was just really tired lately. Being the group’s center meant he had to be in every variety show that invited him with varying members but rarely all 11. 

 

Seongwoo’s exhaustion was closer to mental and emotional exhaustion. He and Daniel spent at least half the day hanging around talking about the randomest of things like how Jaehwan probably had villainous relatives to possess such a laugh or how Sungwoon would claim wanting to be sexy when in fact he’s still one of the best at aegyo. What made it exhausting for the Fantagio trainee is how he had to keep up his whole facade during the whole time they were together. There would be times when Seongwoo thought maybe he should be laughing at Daniel’s statement or maybe he should be smiling that he did judging by how Daniel tells his stories but no matter what he tries to do, there is nothing that presents itself to him. It’s not that he’s tired from all the talking. He was just tired of having to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. But he was too tired to dwell on the thought. Instead, he shrugged it off and attributed it to his exhausted state before sleep finally took hold of his senses.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

The following days were not any different. Seongwoo was back as a member of Wanna One and so they let him push through with the Weekly Idol shooting scheduled in the next week when he wouldn’t take ‘no’ as an answer. Seongwoo didn’t take too long to adjust to the program. If anything, he could say he was in his element. The variety show was a perfect time to let loose and grab every opportunity to be funny. It’s the point of the show, isn’t it? 

 

But something was still bothering him.

 

No matter he tries, he can’t bring himself to feel anything towards the Wanna One center. Seongwoo was sure they were perfectly fine before he ended up in the hospital. Wait, how did he end up in the hospital in the first place? Seongwoo was suddenly mindfucked and only then did he realize the small gaps in his memory near the hospital incident. Heck, he couldn’t even remember why he was there. 

 

Throughout the entire filming session, Seongwoo would try to react to the extraordinary things Daniel would do. He was at least able to react to the center’s b-boying skills (it was just that great) but he was able to keep a straight face during Daniel’s sexy dance without even trying.

 

_ Is this even normal? _

 

Seongwoo couldn’t help but be frustrated. If he wasn’t in front of the camera, he might have pulled on his hair out of frustration by now. 

 

Something was most definitely wrong and he didn’t know what or why. 

 

During their break before moving on to the next segment, the others were just chatting about the most random of things to pass their time. Meanwhile, Seongwoo was sitting by the couch at the side randomly staring into space as if he was the only occupant in the room. No one thought it was strange nor did they notice since they were all too immersed in their own conversation. 

 

But Minhyun has always been an observant person. He wasn’t called the Nation’s CEO or Emperor Hwang for nothing. Although he was quite far away, it didn’t take time for Minhyun to figure out that something was wrong. Minhyun walked towards the boy who seemed to zone out again and occuppied the vacant space to Seongwoo’s right on the couch which immediately snapped the others out from his thoughts. 

 

“Oh, Minhyun. How’s the shooting been for you? You always seem to be the victim of pressure today.” Seongwoo was a great actor alright. Especially when he immediately masked his shocked expression with a smile in a split second. But even that was not even enough to fool Emperor Hwang and he wasn’t one for beating around the bush either. The so-called Nation’s CEO glanced around the room to make sure no one was paying attention before reverting his attention back to the younger 95 liner.

 

“So what’s really bothering you today? You seem a little off.” Came his question in his most direct tone. Seongwoo pretended to be unfazed by tilting his head out of curiosity “What do you mean? I’m fine” But Minhyun noticed how he suddenly started fidgeting with his fingers. The older of the two gave him an encouraging smile and held his fidgeting hand, sometimes this younger 95 liner is such a child. 

 

“You know you can trust me, right? I’m willing to listen.” Seongwoo visibly hesitated but he could see the sincerity in Minhyun’s eyes. It’s not like he doubted his friend, he just thought it might be a trivial situation. “It might not be as important as you think, you know” He said in an attempt to get Minhyun off his case but apparently his friend was more concerned than he thought. 

 

“I highly doubt this is a trivial matter if it has you spacing out like this.” Minhyun retaliated in which Seongwoo was finally convinced there’s no harm in telling the older male his dilemma. The Fantagio trainee took a few moments to organize his next reply and was just about to open his mouth when a certain Kang Daniel suddenly came into view. “Hey the staff just called us, it’s time for the next segment. You guys ready?” He said in an excited tone that he was practically bouncing on his feet out of excitement. 

 

Seongwoo mirrored his excitement and said that they’ll be right there so Daniel nodded in response before going on ahead with the others. Once Daniel was out of sight, Seongwoo’s smile instantly faded and Minhyun instantly knew who was the source of his friend’s worries. 

 

“It’s Daniel, isn’t it?” 

 

He asked in a low voice and Seongwoo could only nod in confirmation. “I’ll tell you about it back in the dorms” Seongwoo looked back over his shoulder to the Pledis trainee who was still seated on the couch. “Balcony at 11pm?” 

 

“Sure. Balcony at 11pm then.” Seongwoo nodded in response “Come on, they might be waiting for us to start the filming.” Minhyun immediately stood up and stretched his arms that were starting to feel stiff. “Okay, now I’m good. Let’s go.”

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Everyone was back at the dorms after their schedules finally ended and it was just 9pm by then. Seongwoo still had 2 hours to spare before he had to meet Minhyun at the balcony so he spent his time lounging around his room while browsing through his phone. In the middle of watching their ‘Never’ stage for the concept evaluation, the youngest MMO trainee suddenly entered the room and Seongwoo saw how Daniel’s gave fell on him in an instant. 

 

“Oh there you are, I was just looking for you.” Daniel said with a smile before plopping down beside Seongwoo on his bed before peering over on his phone to look at what he was watching. “Oh~ rewatching performances, huh?” Daniel stayed in that position a tad too long he ended leaning back on Seongwoo’s shoulder when his arm couldn’t keep him up anymore. Although Seongwoo thought he would feel embarrassed,  there was once again the void that he felt in his heart when no emotion was making itself known. 

 

Seongwoo internally frowned at the feeling. Daniel stayed like that all the while talking or rather commenting to himself when Seongwoo doesn’t respond. Though he’s been there for a while and his hyung was not like his usual self that Daniel found it strange. “Hey Seongwoo, you okay?” He asked with the casual tone they use with each other ever since Seongwoo allowed Daniel to call him without honorifics. The older male blinked when he finally processed that Daniel was looking at him as if he was waiting for a response. 

 

“Ah.. well..” 

 

Before he could reply to the younger’s statement, Jisung suddenly entered the room and saw the pair in their comfortable position on the bed. “Getting too comfortable aren’t we?” He said while wriggling his eyebrows that made Daniel go red without Seongwoo noticing “Hyuuuuung~ Why are you even here anyway?p” The younger MMO trainee playfully whined and it reminded Seongwoo of an abandoned puppy that was begging to be adopted.

 

Jisung only laughed at his dongsaeng’s reaction before he remembered why he was there in the first place. “Oh right, the maknae’s just got their hands on a copy of several movies for the night. Want to join the rest and watch with them?” 

 

Seongwoo glanced at the time on his phone.  _ 10:13pm,  _ less than an hour until he needed to meet Minhyun in the balcony. The Fantagio trainee looked back at his hyung with an apologetic smile “Sorry hyung, I got something to do later. Maybe next time?” He suggested when Daniel suddenly interrupted them, “Then I’ll stay here too and keep Seongwoo company” He said with his trademark grin and Jisung responded with an endless amount of teasing directed towards Daniel. Throughout their entire interaction, Daniel’s head never left Seongwoo’s shoulder.

 

Seongwoo just laughed by the sidelines but he couldn’t ignore how he was again feeling like he was faking it all. As if he was forbidden to feel anything. Now he can’t wait for that talk with Minhyun, he is in desperate need of an answer. 

 

While he was once again lost in his thoughts, only then did Seongwoo notice that Daniel’s face was suddenly inches away from his face. Just like any other person, he jerked back in surprise all the while forgetting that Daniel was on his shoulder. Daniel was also shocked at the sudden change in position and the next thing the both knew, Seongwoo was accidentally pushed down on the bed with Daniel hovering above him using his elbows as support. 

 

Silence filled the air as both boys stared into each other’s surprised eyes, neither daring to make any movements. After a minute of staying in their awkward position, Daniel finally snapped out of their reverie and immediately backed away with hints of red spreading on his cheeks. “I-I’m so sorry! Seongwoo, are you okay? I didn’t mean to--” Seongwoo cut him off before he could continue “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” He said with a short chuckle “I was just really caught off guard when I saw you were so close.” 

 

No matter what Seongwoo told the Wanna One center, he wouldn’t stop apologizing because of his current flustered state. Seongwoo sighed at the situation, it wasn’t getting anywhere with Daniel spewing endless strings of apologies. Suddenly his mind flashed a hole in a sand box with a ball on his right, a flashback of how he met a certain Kang Euigeon and how that situation was highly similar to the current one. Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile at himself, it was a cute memory after all and now here they are re-enacting the same scenario. The only thing that made it different was Daniel finally gave in this time and went back to placing his head on Seongwoo’s shoulder. Meanwhile, the older trainee continued to browse through more of their performances from the survival show they both joined in the past months.

 

Moments passed and Seongwoo felt no movement on his shoulder. Curious, he looked to his side and was eventually met with the sight of a sleeping Daniel practically curled up at Seongwoo’s side. Again, Seongwoo was reminded of a puppy that would climb his owner’s bed just to gain their attention in the morning. The Fantagio trainee chuckled with what seemed to be hints of endearment towards the sight. But the feelings were eventually shot down when he saw the time on his phone. 

 

_ 10:58pm.  _

 

Suddenly, he was reminded of the talk he promised to have with Minhyun. Seongwoo sighed, although he was finally relieved to have someone he could confide to, he still felt nervous. What if Minhyun knew the answers and he couldn’t accept it? The origin of the problem was the giant puppy on his side after all. But Seongwoo wanted this, he wanted to know so he’ll have to face whatever happens next.

 

Seongwoo placed his pillow on his lap and gently guided Daniel’s head to it to avoid waking him up. When he spotted no movement from the younger male, Seongwoo slipped his legs away from the underneath of the pillow and carefully lowered the pillow until Daniel was now completely laying down on the bed. Seongwoo quietly made his way to the door and outstretched his hand towards the doorknob—

 

“Where are you going?” Came a drowsy voice from behind him. Seongwoo looked over his shoulder and came in contact with drowsy, barely open eyes. “I just wanted to get some fresh air so I’ll just be in the balcony for a while.” Daniel pouted in a way that reminds Seongwoo of a child throwing a tantrum and made grabby hands towards his hyung “No~ stay here” Seongwoo chuckled at the sight before walking back towards the MMO trainee and running a hand through Daniel’s hair “Just go back to sleep, I won’t take long.” Daniel hummed in response before the hands on his hair finally lulled him to sleep. 

 

Seongwoo finally left the room when he was sure Daniel fell asleep and made his way to the balcony where a lone silhouette stands. As he opened the door to the balcony, the lone silhouette that stood before him was none other than Hwang Minhyun himself. “Sorry, I got held up. Did you wait too long?” Minhyun shook his head, “No, I just got here too” The younger 95 liner nodded in reply before closing the door behind him and walking over to lean by the balcony using his arms. 

 

Once again, they are both in the same situation as before. Both in the balcony with the night breeze coiling all around them. Both drowning in the silence of the night, waiting for someone to make the first move. And one organizing his thoughts in a way that would make his companion understand his dilemma. Lucky for him, Minhyun has always been that patient friend that wouldn’t pressure him to say anything. 

 

Seongwoo took a deep breath and turned to face Minhyun, now using his back to lean on the balcony. “This might sound trivial to you depends how you see it..” He hesitantly started, “It’s just really frustrating but.. I can’t feel anything towards Daniel.” Minhyun could only frown, “I mean, usually we’ll feel something towards other people,right? Like be weirded out or find them funny but.. But.. I can’t even do any of those and it’s just driving me insane. It’s like..” Seongwoo paused and tried to look for the right words, “.. It’s like something is stopping me from doing so. I can’t explain it any other way but--” 

 

When Seongwoo looked over to his companion, he immediately caught the sadness that wasn’t present in his eyes when he first came to the balcony. “Why are you looking at me like that?” It was Minhyun’s turn to sigh before looking away from the curious eyes that could bore holes through his head. “It’s no surprise.. It’s a side effect after all.” Minhyun replied with a tone bordering a hushed whisper. But with the silence that consumed their surroundings, Seongwoo still heard it no matter how soft it was uttered and couldn’t help but be intrigued. “What do you mean it’s a side effect? A side effect of what?” 

 

Minhyun visibly hesitated with his repetitive clenching and unclenching of his fist. If Seongwoo wanted to know, then he had to be patient. Even though he could die for waiting too long with the tension Minhyun is radiating. “Seongwoo..” Minyhun started, “Do you know why you were brought to the hospital that day?” Seongwoo slowly shook his head, he himself was fully aware that he had no recollections whatsoever that resulted to him in a hospital. “What does that have to do with this? Isn’t that a differe--” Minhyun immediately cut him off, 

 

“No, it’s not.” 

 

The older 95 liner took another deep breath “You were rushed to the emergency room that day since you needed to undergo a surgery to keep you alive.” The younger of the two just grew more curious and Minhyun dropped the bomb before he could prepare himself.

 

“You underwent a surgery because of the Hanahaki disease.” 

 

And so, the world itself became void of sound to Seongwoo’s ears after the revelation. Their surroundings stood still, not a single creature made a sound, nor did the wind dare to whisper into their ears. Amidst the silence that engulfed their atmosphere, Seongwoo stood still in complete shock. “Minhyun.. stop joking, this isn’t funny” He said with a hesitant tone and strained smiles, but Minhyun didn’t budge. He made no sign of the assumed ‘joke’ to end. 

 

“I’m sorry..” Minhyun started, “.. but this is the truth.” 

 

At the very moment, it’s as if Minhyun’s words became a trigger and something in Seongwoo’s mind suddenly clicked. What used to be a world void of sound suddenly turned into a barrage of noise and flashes of memories. Memories he couldn’t remember that finally filled in the gaps. Memories of everything Daniel. His trademark smile, their first ramen date, his disappointment in his b-boy injury, his childlike wonder for the mountaintop restaurant, and the way his features rivaled that of an ethereal being under the moonlight. 

 

But that wasn’t the only thing that finally came back to him. Alongside Daniel’s laughter in the barrage of sound was his wheezes and coughs before images of tulip petals flashed in his mind. He didn’t only remember Daniel, he also remembered his suffering in the Hanahaki and it caused his whole figure to tremble. Whether it was out of fear or happiness, he didn’t know. What he did know was that the memories were too much, it was overwhelming and he just wished it would stop. But no matter how much he closed his eyes and covered his ears, he couldn’t drown out noise. 

 

“Just.. stop.. please..” Seongwoo whimpered to no one in particular, almost forgetting that Minhyun was with him on that balcony. The said male carefully approached the younger 95 liner and wiped off the tears Seongwoo didn’t even know were streaming down his face. Minhyun didn’t need words to know that Seongwoo was too overwhelmed. Instead, he gently removed the boy’s hands from his ears and wrapped his arms around Seongwoo’s trembling figure. Minhyun continued to soothe his friend in hopes of comforting him from the situation and even hid Seongwoo’s face in the crook of his neck to let him cry freely.

 

“I’m sorry, we had no choice..” Minhyun tightened his hug on the younger male but Seongwoo shook his head, “No I-I’m.. “ The younger male took a shaky breathe and tightened the hold he didnt know he had on Minhyun’s shirt “I w-would have been.. been d-dying if you didn’t do it.. “ Although slightly strained, Seongwoo still managed to give a smile before he hid his face again.

 

Almost everything was now intact. Seongwoo’s memory of everything forgotten was finally back and he eventually stopped crying to stop bothering Minhyun any longer. After convincing Minhyun that he’ll now be fine on his own, the older male eventually let him go and walk back to his room. 

 

The first things he noticed when he entered the shared room was Daniel still sleeping on the same spot he left him on the bed. How unfortunate it is to meet the source of his breakdown face-to-face after his waterworks in that balcony. But Seongwoo was too kind, he couldn’t bring himself to wake up the peaceful-looking male from his sleep (or maybe he just wasnt ready to face him). Instead, he took his other pillow and blanket off his bed and draped Daniel’s blanket over the young MMO trainee. When Daniel now looked comfortable and contented, he laid back on Daniel’s bed and contemplated if it was the right decision to do so. But then he was suddenly distracted by the scent of Daniel all over his bed that he had to cover his mouth to hold back a choked cry. He used to love this boy, the very boy who always made him smile but now he can’t even bring himself to give the sincerest smile. Because no matter what he does, he cannot alter the side effects of the Hanahaki. 

 

_ “Everything’s going to be fine”  _ became his mantra and eventually he started to calm down. Although there were struggles and difficulties, sleep finally took over his senses and engulfed his vision into a comfortable darkness. 

 

Almost everything was intact that night. The calm breeze, the giant puppy on his bed, and even the mask he was prepared to ‘wear’ for tomorrow. Almost everything but the heart of a lone soul who lost the ability to love who he should have loved the most.

 


	7. Emotions and Painkillers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all, just read on.

Seongwoo thought he already perfected it. His entire facade for the entire duration of their Wanna One promotions as the second half of ‘Ongniel is Science’ and nothing more. But the moment he returns to their dorm room every other night, his mask would make the slightest crack. Minhyun would usually be there with him when his ‘mask for the week’ would finally crumble resulting into his emotional breakdowns in the night. Sometimes he would isolate himself and even cry alone or muffle his sobs while laying down until sleep eventually lures him to a dreamless slumber.

 

This was just one of those nights when Minhyun was with him, holding him in his arms and drawing soothing patterns on his back. Seongwoo’s figure shook with every sob that he released, whether they were tears or frustration or sadness, he couldn’t tell. He could be frustrated for not being able to feel a single emotion to Daniel but he could also ba sad because no matter how hard he tries, he won’t even feel the same way towards the younger boy.

 

Earlier this morning, they just filmed for their teamwork tournament to get to improve their overall teamwork. They all had to form subunits for the last game which was decided through red strings randomly tangled inside a box. The huge number of strings would significantly narrow his chances of ending up with Daniel anyway and so Seongwoo ended up picking last since he didn’t find the need to rush.

 

Once everyone held into their straps, Jisung eventually pulled out the cover while everyone else pulled at their strings. Despite the slim chances, despite him picking last, despite the 9 other people he could have been grouped with, he ends up face-to-face with Kang Daniel himself with the red string connecting them together. ‘ _The world is indeed cruel’_ Seongwoo thought to himself as he followed the red string that stared back at him in mockery. What a cruel twist to the ‘red string of faith’.

 

Of course, Seongwoo wouldn’t let them know how perturbed he was at the situation so he opted to laugh at the entire situation no matter how displeasing it was to him. To make things worse, the game required them to have their arms over their partner’s and the proximity was enough to make him tense. If it weren’t for all the acting skills and experience under his belt, everyone would have been worried about his stiff movements and profuse sweating.

 

The whole scenario was draining to him, it took every ounce of his energy to keep up his unfazed facade of being beside someone he used to love dearly. Luckily for him, that was the last segment of the show before they eventually ended the broadcast and went back to their dorms. And so here he is, crying in the arms of his best friend after having to pretend like someone he was not. That night, he fell asleep in his friend’s arms and Minhyun didn’t mind. But to avoid raising any suspicions to Seongwoo’s situation, he had to carry him back all the way to his shared room with Daniel and Jisung.

 

Everyone was usually asleep at this hour so Minhyun turned the knob as quietly as he can before slipping in to place Seongwoo down on his bed. Luckily, Seongwoo was already washed up and changed before his breakdown that night so Minhyun didn’t need to do much. Before he could bring him to the bed, rustling sounds suddenly came from the bed behind him and Minhyun froze on the spot. When the sounds finally stopped, he slowly looked over his shoulder and came face-to-face with a half asleep Daniel.

 

“Hyung? What are you doing?” Daniel inquired with the sleep heavy in his tone. Waking up to see Minhyun piggybacking a sleeping Seongwoo would be enough to make anyone curious. Minhyun was caught off guard to see Daniel awake but he quickly recovered from the shock, “He fell asleep while we were talking so I had to bring him here. There wasn’t any space in our room.” The MMO trainee was now more conscious and saw that Seongwoo was indeed asleep on Minhyun’s back but the darkness hid the now dried tear stains on his cheeks.

 

“He can sleep here beside me instead, Seongwoo sleep son the top bunk and it would be hard for you to bring him there.” was Daniel’s spontaneous response as if he blurted out the first thing that came into his mind. Minhyun was shocked for the second time that night but Daniel had a point. If he took the wrong step, its either he or Seongwoo could fall. Worst case scenario would be both of them falling off the bed and so he had no other choice but to give in into Daniel’s suggestion.

 

Minhyun sat on the edge of Daniel’s bed and helped the younger male to carefully remove Seongwoo from his back and lay him down on the bed. Seongwoo immediately curled on his side and faced the wall as if it was his usual position whenever he would sleep. Minhyun nodded to Daniel before he finally left the room with Seongwoo now literally in the hands of Daniel as Minhyun looked back and saw Daniel lay back down with an arm now over Seongwoo’s torso.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo, for the second time, woke up right next to Daniel’s sleeping face that it was definitely the most unexpected thing to wake up to. He managed to sleep well last night despite falling asleep because of one of his breakdowns, but a weight on his arm woke him up after his whole arm has gone numb. Seongwoo would have been happy at their current position.

 

He would have been if he still had his feelings. But that was the past, and this was now the present where there only exist an Ong Seongwoo who has long lost his feelings towards the sleeping boy beside him. This was no longer okay, it would only force his heart to feel it when it was already impossible to do so. The void in his heart now only brings him pain that sometimes he could physically feel it too.

 

It was unbearable.

 

Knowing that you can no longer love someone who you deeply cared about even if they didn’t love you back. Seongwoo brushed his fingers against Daniel’s cheek before he let out a sad smile and sat up to carefully peel himself away from the clingy boy. If he still had his feelings, he might have made his heartache. Knowing himself, he’d rather stay in those arms that be the one to leave the embrace.

 

But that was the past and this is the now.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo still held his facade, being an actor trainee from an actor agency didn’t make it difficult for him to continue. Minhyun would still reach out to him, but Seongwoo doesn’t want to be a burden to his friend. The idol life was difficult enough and he didn’t want to add himself to Minhyun’s workload.

 

He takes pain killers now.

 

Just as the name implies, when his heart starts to go haywire for desperately trying to feel something towards Daniel, he takes a pill. Seongwoo knows the effects wear off, but the temporary moment of euphoria is enough to keep his heart distracted. Minhyun doesn’t know, and he doesn’t need to. As long as Seongwoo will be able to lessen Minhyun’s burden then thats enough. At least now, he can handle his own problems without the need to bother the older 95 liner.

 

As he takes on a new day, he takes another pill before hiding the bottle deep within his drawers. Seongwoo takes another look at himself in the mirror before bringing up his hands to his face and taking a deep breath. Another day, another mask, another unending pretend game. The Fantagio trainee placed his hands back at his sides before he puts on his most convincing smile and exits the room where Daniel and the rest are now waiting for him.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

It’s been weeks since he started using the painkillers and so far, it serves it’s purpose well in Seongwoo’s opinion. The moment he takes the pills, his heart would immediately be tranquilized from its painful beating as it yearns to love the impossible.

 

This is just one of those moments when his heart’s yearning has reached it’s limit that it was once again causing him physical pain. Seongwoo held a hand to his chest as if holding onto it would calm down his heart rate. No matter how much he clenched onto his shirt, the aching persisted all because he went on another ramen date with Daniel. It wasn’t anything new, just similar to the first ramen date they had. The only difference was that they already debuted so they had to go out at a late hour so there wouldn’t be too many people crowding restaurants at that hour.

 

_Just like their first ramen date, everything was pretty calm and casual between them. Just like how it has always been ever since they met. The only thing that made this different from the first time was them now worrying about their schedules instead of their chances in debuting. Seongwoo doesn’t know how it happened, probably because Christmas was drawing near but their conversation took a sudden turn to the existence of Santa Claus._

 

_Daniel was really determined. Unlike Seongwoo who caught his parents in the act, Daniel was pretty persistent of the idea that Santa Claus was indeed real and he just stopped giving gifts since Daniel was already too grown up to be monitored by Santa._

 

_“I already told you, I even stayed up late that night to wait for Santa and I saw my parents right there under the tree. They were just changing their penmanship to make sure I wouldn’t recognize it.” Seongwoo emphasized with a few hand gestures thrown here and there but Daniel shook his head._

 

_“Maybe your parents just felt bad that you were surely under Santa’s naughty list that they had to pretend to be Santa themselves to make sure you wouldn’t whine the next day.” Was Daniel’s spontaneous theory that got Seongwoo beyond amused “Daniel, I was 12. I don’t think children of those age are still heavily anticipating on their gifts from Santa. Don’t they say that Santa only gives gifts to children under 13?”_

 

_Again, Daniel manages to shock Seongwoo when he said that he received gifts from Santa until he was 15. “That’s ridiculous. Your parents must have been worried what would happen if they stopped pretending to be Santa for your 16th Christmas.” Daniel playfully punched his arm, “No, Santa is real. He even left me a note about how it would be his last gift to me so he wouldn’t be coming back next year.”_

 

_“I bet those were just your parents finding the most sugarcoated way of saying they don’t want to buy you 2 Christmas presents anymore. It’s tiring being someone you’re not, you know” Came Seongwoo’s reply but the last sentence came out as an unconscious thought. Luckily, Daniel didn’t notice and instead focused on the argument of Santa Claus’ existence. Seongwoo’s smile didn’t completely reach his eyes afterwards. Being a skilled trainee in the field of acting, he did at least enough to make Daniel believe his smile was indeed real and genuine._

 

_Since their dorm wasn’t that far off, Daniel invited him to walk with him again. Just like how they did when Seongwoo finally realized that he was indeed inlove with the boy that has always been beside him._

 

_‘Was’ inlove._

 

_But he didn’t love him anymore._

 

_Not that he didn’t want to, he just didn’t have the choice anymore._

 

_And here they are, in a dimly lit street walking side by side talking about the most randomest things to keep each other company. Seongwoo would occasionally steal glances at the boy on his right when the other is too immersed in his monologue. If he still had his feelings, he would probably feel like a high schooler who would fidget around their crush. Instead, he gives out a sad smile at the thought because there was no way that could ever happen, not when he can’t even feel the simplest emotions when he’s with the Wanna One center._

 

_Amidst their peaceful midnight stroll, Seongwoo felt a sudden pang in his heart as if it were telling him that it was desperate for something. No doubt it was looking for its missing piece, the piece that was removed along with the surgery to save him from the Hanahaki. Lucky for him, it was still the bearable kind of pain but nonetheless, it was still painful. But Daniel was still with him, he can’t make it obvious or he’d make the younger boy worried. So he thought of the most logical explanation that could probably work._

 

_Seongwoo cleared his throat before he looked back at Daniel, “Hey Daniel, I’m feeling kinda tired now. Are we close yet?” Daniel was the one who guided him there in the first place so he had no idea where they were right now. “Yeah, just a few blocks away. Think you can still keep your eyes open by then?” Seongwoo absentmindedly nodded in reply after he gave out a yawn, “Yeah, I can do that.”_

 

_Daniel spared him a glance and looked up at the sky as if he was contemplating something before he smiled and walked a bit further ahead. To Seongwoo’s surprise, Daniel knelt down on one knee in front of Seongwoo with his back facing the older male. “Here, climb on my back. I’ll carry you back.”_

 

_The older male slowly processed his words before it all finally clicked. “Daniel, I’m fine. It’s not like I’ll suddenly drop out of exhaustion. Besides, aren’t you tired too?” He politely declined by pointing out the truth. Daniel also had bags under his eyes, its just that the concealer hid it all too well for anyone else to see._

 

_However, Daniel remained persistent. The younger Wanna One member shook his head and made no move to get up from his spot. They spent the next 5 minutes throwing reasons here and there on why Seongwoo should walk and why he should also get on Daniel’s back._

 

_The Fantagio trainee was just getting sleepier by the minute so he ended up agreeing to Daniel’s request for the sake of getting to his bed faster and to stop the so-called argument from continuing. Seongwoo held onto Daniel’s shoulders and positioned himself on Daniel’s broad back to make himself comfortable without putting too much of his weight on the Wanna One center. Soon, the younger trainee hooked his arms under Seongwoo’s legs and finally stood up, now carrying the older male on his back._

 

_Seongwoo was surprised that the hands that rested on Daniel’s shoulders suddenly wrapped themselves around the brunette’s neck to secure himself better but Daniel didn’t seem to mind. At first, Seongwoo kept on nagging Daniel to hold him steady and how he’ll personally sue Daniel if he happened to drop him and ‘ruin his face’ but Daniel would just laugh in response. If anything, his hyung was lighter than he thought so he had no problem carrying him at all._

 

_Although Seongwoo kept the smile plastered on his face, he never forgot about the literal aching in his heart. The repetitive beating stayed, and it only got stronger with Daniel making him desperate to feel things that it frustrates him to the very core. Amidst Daniel talking to himself, Seongwoo fell asleep on his back causing a calming silence to fill the chilling night air. Daniel didn’t mind as long as Seongwoo could get a bit of rest instead of collapsing on the road. Daniel has a bigger figure after all. Carrying Seongwoo, a smaller male compared to him, was no problem to him._

 

_When they were finally back at the dorms, Daniel went straight to their room as to not disturb the other members who were already sleeping. Once he closed the door behind him, Daniel looked over his shoulder and tried patting Seongwoo’s legs or bouncing his a bit to wake him up. Eventually, Seongwoo raised his head with a groggy response and came face-to-face with Daniel who was look over his shoulder._

 

_Seongwoo was immediately pulled away from his stupor when the pang returned, serving as a reminder of his cruel fate. The older male smiled at Daniel and let out a small thank you before he finally got off his back and made an excuse of going to the bathroom first to wash up._

 

And that was how he ended up leaning over the sink with a bottle of painkillers next to him. He now held his usual dosage of the pill on his right with a glass of water on his left before downing it all in one go. All for the desperate need of making the pain go away and within seconds, it gave him the desired effects. The pain was now gone and only then did he notice his heavy breathing and his tight grip on the edge of the sink while he waited for the effects to sink in earlier.

 

It took a while to finally calm down his breathing and Seongwoo looked up at the mirror that was directly placed by the sink. With all the make up now erased, he could see the dark circles that started to grow under his eyes. If he squints (as if he actually needed to), he could also see his exhaustion radiating from his eyes but it didn’t take a genius to get the hint.

 

Although he wasn’t really sure what has been making him tired lately. Either way, he was sure it was because of their tight schedules but he wouldn’t be surprised if Daniel also played a big role in his exhaustion towards his emotional state. Seongwoo let out a heavy sigh before he washed his face and brushed his teeth before going back to their shared room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter up ahead!


	8. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All good things come to an end.

After a week of jam packed schedules, Wanna One finally ended their promotion period for their debut album and is now back to polishing their dance routines for the overseas promotions. As usual, every member works their hardest to not lag behind the others and Seongwoo could definitely see their efforts becoming worth it. With just a little more practice, Guanlin can already nail their footwork for ‘Burn it Up’ and maybe Jinyoung and Jisung wouldn’t even make their usual mistakes anymore.

 

On the other hand, Seongwoo was becoming lowkey frustrated. Sometimes he would lag behind the other or make the smallest mistakes. Although very minor and the members themselves barely noticed it, Seongwoo was still greatly bothered since he was known as one of the best dancers of Wanna One after all.

 

Which is why he was now here, alone in the dance studio practicing the routines on his own. No managers, no camera men, and the members went out to eat dinner in which Seongwoo refused stating that he needed to practice a little more. Nonetheless, Jisung told him to take it easy and avoid overexertion while shifting his attention back to the younger members. Now, it was just him and the studio’s sound system.

 

Seongwoo managed to regain his focus in a matter of seconds with the now quiet atmosphere helping him focus. He was getting really immersed that he went straight to ‘Burn it Up’ after his run through with ‘Energetic’. Seongwoo observed himself in the mirror and paid attention to every detail from his expressions down to the movements of his fingers. His movements became fluid during the bridge and switched to snappy in a matter of seconds for the dance break. By the time the song finished, he now stood in the middle of the room trying to catch his breath from all the dancing he’s done.

 

The Fantagio trainee let out another heavy sigh before walking over to the water bottle by the mirror and took a few gulps of water, “You’ll exhaust yourself like this.” Came a voice from out of no where and Seongwoo almost spit out the water in surprise. (Good thing he kept his mouth shut). When the 95 liner finally calmed down from his short coughing fit, he looked up at the mirror and saw Daniel patting his back to help calm him down.

 

“S-Sorry, I thought you already saw me by the reflection on the mirror!” Seongwoo finally stood straight and dusted off imaginary dust pretending like he just had the ‘deadliest’ coughing fit ever. “Nah I’m good,” He replied as he wiped off some sweat and water off his face “How long have you been there?”

 

Daniel visibly contemplated for a moment before he finally remembered, “Ah, you were already starting the first chorus of ‘Burn it Up’ by the time I got here.” Seongwoo raised an eyebrow, “That wasn’t too long ago, weren’t you suppose to go with the others too?” Daniel smiled sheepishly at the older male while he scratched the back of his neck. “Well I was but uh.. I noticed you weren’t the only one there so I told Jisung-hyung I’d spend my time accompanying you instead. I can help you remember too if you forgot!” Daniel offered with the biggest and most blinding smile yet which is why Seongwoo couldn’t bring himself to concentrate. “You’ve been wanting to eat pork for a while now though.” Daniel hummed as he contemplated the statement before smiling back at his hyung. “I can always go eat pork when we find some time to go out again on our next break.” Came his reply with the most casual tone as if he was sure it was going to happen again anyway.

 

“Well I’ll be here for a while, still plan on staying?” Seongwoo inquired. It hasn’t been long since his solo practice session started so he still had plenty of time to spare. “What about dinner?” Daniel shot back with a hint of concern in his voice, “You can’t skip meals, it’s unhealthy” Seongwoo chuckled in response, “Maybe later when I’ve gone through all the songs.” The younger male hummed as a sign of acknowledgement before taking a seat by the side, “Then I’ll wait for you to finish so we can eat together” Daniel said again with the most casual expression on his face as if his offer was the most normal thing in the world.

 

Seongwoo blinked as it took him time to process his response. In the end, he just shrugged and went back to the stereo to choose the next song to practice. “Whatever rides your boat then”. The older male scrolls through his music and eventually decides on going through ‘Wanna Be’ and let the album play the acoustic version of ‘Always’ as his break time.

 

The 95 liner then presses play and again moves to the center of the room to prepare for the carefree dance routine. He remembers how the song has basically incorporated every inside joke they had from the entire Produce 101 season. His iconic slate, Jihoon’s jeojang aegyo, the Jisung clap, and his famous jinjja line. It was a perfect song to reminisce to when he thinks about their season and so he had no problems of expressing his happy mood in the dance as he would sometimes sing along, almost forgetting that Daniel was there in the first place. The only reason why he remembered Daniel was in the room was because he would hear his laugh every now and then probably because of his silly antics while dancing.

 

The song finally ended and the song transitioned directly to soft melody of the acoustic version of ‘Always’, their gift for the national producers at the end of Produce 101 for all their love and support. And so, the excitement from ‘Wanna Be’ slowly dissolved while the song wrapped the room’s atmosphere into a more calm feeling.

 

Seongwoo walked around the room, completely absorbed by the song’s soft melody and emotional vocals that he himself started singing along to the song. When his line finally came up, he was reminded of the realizations he made when he coincidentally looked at Daniel who sat by the corner of the room watching him practice.

 

**_Even though it’s hard_ **

**_I gain strength from you who will smile when you see me_ **

 

Ah, that’s right.

 

That was the time he knew he fell in love when he shouldn’t have.

 

Seongwoo let out a sad smile as he continued to sing along to the song all the while thinking about his past experiences with Daniel and what it would have been like to be with him now if he still had his feelings. But that’s like wishing he still had the Hanahaki with him. _Would I still be coughing out the petals by then?_ Seongwoo wondered to himself before he pitifully chuckled at himself. _Will I even make it this far if I was still coughing out petals?_

 

Daniel who thought that he was just singing along also sang along to ‘Always’ whenever the rap parts would come up. The Wanna One center started to sing along when his rap parts came and Seongwoo could never forget the last words of Daniel’s verse.

 

**_I’ll make memories with you on this path_ **

**_Always wherever you’re walking_ **

 

If anything, it was a perfect representation of their current relationship. Ever since the season ended, they have always been together, making memories each and everyday regardless if they were memorable or not. Seongwoo wasn’t sure about Daniel, but he was pretty sure that he himself could still recall the little things they used to do. Whether it be looking after Lee Woojin or joking around dance practices during their Produce 101 stages.

 

In the end, they ended up singing the entire ‘Always’ as a duet. Both exchanging lines as if it were rehearsed before and Daniel stood up to joke around by dramatically dancing to the song with his skills in modern dancing. On the other hand, Seongwoo would laugh at the side lines while he continued to sing to the lyrics.

 

**_Even if days pass_ **

**_And seasons change_ **

**_You’re the only one deep in my heart_ **

**_No one, nothing can take you away_ **

 

Seongwoo ceased singing after that.

 

The line hit him too hard and it made him stop whatever he was doing, his expression crumbled and he stood there completely dumbfounded by the line. Now he could only watch as Daniel continued in his silly antics and he couldn’t help but smile albeit it was a little more of a sad one.

 

Unfortunately for him, the universe just wanted to see him suffer. The song heavily reminded him of their memories, all the times that they were together. Sung in such an emotional manner, the meaning hit him even harder that his heart reacted in the worst way possible.

 

It desperately sought for the feeelings that were already lost in the abyss of his heart.

 

In that very moment, Seongwoo felt another pang on his heart because of his lost feelings. But it wasn’t like the others.. This one was the most painful. The pain didn’t come in waves like how it usually would, it dropped itself like a bomb that blew all train of rational thought into haywire. The pain was intense that Seongwoo practically doubled over in pain, clenching onto his shirt where his heart was.

 

Daniel hasn’t noticed yet but Seongwoo stood up straight no matter how much it hurt to prevent the latter from noticing. Seongwoo cleared his throat to get Daniel’s attention and used up all the energy he could muster at the moment to put his acting skills to use. The moment Daniel turned around to face him, Seongwoo immediately portrayed that he was okay as if nothing was eating out his heart right now.

 

“Hey, I just need to um-” Seongwoo slightly flinched at another pang his heart made, “I just need to fetch something by the dorm, think you can wait?” Daniel blinked, “Oh, well in that case I’ll go with you.” “No!” Seongwoo immediately shouted in reply and Daniel was caught off-guard. The raven-haired male immediately backtracked his response and composed himself “I-I mean, I just need you to stay here to um-- watch over my stuff. I won’t be gone long. Just maybe around 5-10 minutes since the dorm is just across the street. It would be a hassle to bring everything there just to go back here right?” Came his so-called smart reply.

 

Lucky for him, Daniel shrugged as a reply. “Alright, I see your point. I’ll just be here then” Seongwoo nodded at the reply at the same time he was secretly relieved. If he could just make a quick run for his painkillers then it wouldn’t be a problem.

 

~ .oOo. ~

 

Seongwoo got to the dorm in record time and ran straight to their room. With the continuous panging in his heart, he would stumble at some of his steps and probably knocked down something along the way but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. At this moment, he desperately needed his painkillers before the pain will kill him first. The raven-haired male opened his drawers with such force he almost pulled the entire thing out and eventually started to throw the clothes behind his to get to the bottle faster. He could fix the mess afterwards if he needed to.

 

Finally, Seongwoo got his hands on the bottle and he looked at it as if he was finally faced with is saving grace. Again, he ran towards the kitchen and desperately looked for a glass and it with water before placing it on top of the counter. With trembling hands, he struggled in opening the bottle until he finally heard the ‘pop’ the cover would make when it open. Another wave of pain overwhelmed his chest that he instantly doubled over causing some pills to fall onto the floor. Seongwoo could care less, he just really needed them right now and so he desperately poured out the pills from the bottle onto his palm. 

 

Seongwoo finally got some pills in his hands and immediately downed all of the pills in his hand in one go and managing to put the water glass back onto the counter without breaking it. After a few moment, he could finally feel the desired effects starting to sink in when he felt the pain start to subside. The next thing he knew, he was now sitting by the floor with his back on the kitchen counter trying to catch his breath from all the hectic movements he has done.

 

Seongwoo doesn’t know how everything ended up like this, what could he have possibly done in his past life to deserve something this tragic? At that moment, the dam that kept his feeling in finally broke and he could no longer hold back the tears that started pooling in his eyes. After all the months of emotional build up, he finally curled into a ball on the floor and let the tears fall. He couldn’t bottle up all his frustrations anymore and so can his heart that has continuously felt a pang of pain because of its desperation.

 

“Seongwoo?”

 

Amidst the darkness with only the moonlight illuminating the room, a voice suddenly came from the entrance and the said male was beyond panicked.

 

Unfortunately, he forgot that he promised Daniel that he’d be back within 5-10 minutes. The fact that Daniel was now here means that he must have been gone longer than he intended to be. With a new problematic situation presented to him, Seongwoo could only laugh at his cruel fate and hid his face with his knees.

 

Daniel looked around the dorm, the lights were not on which gave him the idea that Seongwoo probably wasn’t here but something seemed off so he turned on the small light by the door and the sight that greeted him made his jaw drop. The dorm looked like a burglar just came in and rummaged through their things only to realize nothing was worth taking. The small table beside the sofa was knocked down and few pills were scattering the floor by the kitchen. Even the door to their room was left open that he could see the mess of clothes littering the floor that the floor itself could barely be seen.

 

Daniel dropped Seongwoo’s bag and immediately rushed inside to look if Seongwoo was here since the state of the dorm got him worried but it didn’t take him long to find the Fantagio trainee. The kitchen was only a few steps away from the entrance and that was how Daniel saw his hyung curled up into a ball by the kitchen counter surrounded by the pills that scattered the floor. Daniel immediately became worried, Seongwoo doesn’t usuall cry but he was sure those were sobs that wracked the older boy’s body so he immediately got down and tried to approach his hyung.

 

“Seongwoo?” He approached the said male with a soft whisper as if he would scare Seongwoo away if he raised his voice any higher. The 95 liner only tightened his hold on his own arms, but Daniel was already there and wouldn’t be able to hide anymore. Not when the state of the room itself is enough to show what could have transpired in there.

 

“What happened to you?” Daniel slowly approached his hyung and placed a gently hand on Seongwoo’s shoulder before enveloping his in a gentle embrace. Only then did Daniel notice the bottle by the counter with the label facing him, font large enough for Daniel to read. _Are those painkillers?_ Daniel instantly recognized it, he used to take it when he would practice b-boying late into the night that it would make his body ache the following day. But why would his hyung need painkillers?

 

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Daniel looked down at the older male and gently ran a hand through Seongwoo’s black locks, a gesture he knew that instantly calms Seongwoo down. Just as he thought, Seongwoo slowly started to calm down but the tears didn’t stop streaming down his face and Daniel’s heart ached at the sight of his hyung’s crying face. Seongwoo has always been the stronger one between the two of them. To see him break down like this was definitely new but Daniel instantly knew that he never wants to see Seongwoo cry again.

 

Daniel gently held the raven-haired man’s face into his hands and wiped off the tears with his thumbs alongside his whispers of reassuring words. He was willing to wait for the older male to calm down before telling him why as long as he could help his hyung, he was willing to wait. Daniel has already wiped most of the tears away before getting Seongwoo back in his embrace.

 

Seongwoo didn’t want this, it would just make the pain come back. The universe must be greatly amused, he was now literally in the hands of the very source of all his suffering actually trying to comfort him for something he didn’t know he did. He tried to push Daniel away with all the strength he can muster, but for some reason he felt so weak that he could barely push him more than 3 inches from him and he ended up concluding that Daniel just had a really tight hold.

 

The Fantagio trainee indeed loved this man but he couldn’t bear the pain anymore. He knows he loved— or rather, still loves— the man who held him as if he was the most precious thing in the world no matter how blank he feels when he sees the younger boy. But every human has his limit and Seongwoo believes he has reached his. The pain he felt earlier was almost unbearable, no doubt there was more to come in the future and it will get worst the more he spends time with Daniel. How is he going to cope with that?

 

When he thinks about separating himself from Daniel as the only solution, the tears just poured out more and it didn’t seem like it was stopping any time soon. His whole figure trembled and suddenly he was hit with a small thumping in his head as if something was intentionally ruining his thoughts that he couldn’t concentrate. In the middle of all his hazy train of thought, he chose that moment to look up and came face-to-face with Daniel whose eyes were filled with concern.

 

“I’m sorry.. I really am…I didn’t- .. I just-” Seongwoo suddenly found it difficult to form words and he couldn’t pinpoint why, “Hyung, it’s okay you can just rest for now” Daniel reassured with a firm hold on Seongwoo’s shoulders to make sure the older male faced him when they talked. “You can rest for now, don’t ru-” Before Daniel could finish his sentence, Seognwoo cut him off with one sentence that immediately made Daniel speechless.

  
  
  
  
  


 

“I like you!” Was Seongwoo’s instant reply, he didn’t need more time. He needed to let this out now while he still had the chance. When he saw Daniel’s shocked expression, he let out a heavy sigh. It was literally now or never. With trembling hands, he held Daniel’s hands and pulled it away from his shoulders to tightly hold onto both of his hands. “I thought I just liked you as a friend, someone I can always look up to but then…” He paused and started to circle his thumbs around the back of Daniel’s hands.

 

“We started having their hangouts and I just started picking up all your usual antics like how you would laugh at the smallest things, make the usual dismissing gesture when you think it would be stupid to explain, even how you would fall asleep with jellies on your mouth that I would have to set an alarm in the middle of the night to check just to make you brush your teeth. I know it’s ridiculous but I just—”

 

Seongwoo took another pause when he started to feel weird, but that can wait and Daniel can’t so he took another deep breath. “I just.. I started to get too comfortable, I put all my trust in you and in the end.. I didn’t realize when I fell in love.” The raven-haired male bit his lips, “When we had that ramen dinner before the finale, remember how we walked home that night?” Daniel remained silent but Seongwoo still continued anyway.

 

“That night.. We walked under the light of the moon and you just..” Seongwoo was rambling so fast that he just had to take shaky breaths once in awhile. So after another heavy breath, he continued his monologue. “You just… looked so beautiful, so ethereal that I felt something pull me towards you and I don’t know if you even noticed but.. I actually tried to kiss you that night.” Seongwoo saw how Daniel’s eyes widened the tiniest bit with that statement and he made a small smile. “I know it’s ridiculous, you don’t have to say anything.” It was an expected reaction after all. Seongwoo let go of Daniel hands and held onto the counter to help himself stand. Although it was a struggle, he finally stood straight and leaned back at the counter to hold onto the counter edge. Daniel followed suit so he now stood straight in front of Seongwoo, a hint of hesitation in his eyes. “Seongwoo, I—”

 

“I acquired the Hanahaki after that.” Seongwoo wasn’t going to let Daniel ruin his momentum, he needed to get everything out while he still felt brave. At least for long before his legs decide to give up on him. Daniel’s eyes immediately widened like saucers. “Y-You don’t mean..” Seongwoo could only look back at him with another sad smile before looking out at the window by the corner of the kitchen. “I’m not quite sure when was the first time, but I only realized it during the night of our Wanna One Go mission.”

 

It took Daniel a moment but he remembered that night. For some reason, his hyung was taking forever in the bathroom and he never found out why. Seongwoo got the hint to continue when Daniel looked at him with a worried expression and he could only smile back. “That night, I figured it out. I thought I was just about to catch a cold but then I saw a petal in my hand and.. It just clicked.” Seongwoo chuckled at the memory as if he just said a childhood story.

 

“You gotta admit, I hid it pretty well, huh?” He said with a smile as he walked around picking up the pills that were scattered all over the floor all the while feeling a little dizzy.  _Probably a side effect of the painkillers_. Seongwoo took a moment and closed his eyes for a bit until the spinning on his vision eventually stopped. “Though it shouldn’t be a surprise since I practically revealed it in the middle of practice, huh?” At this point you already know the rest. You’ve been there no matter what I did.”

 

Seongwoo looked back at the still overwhelmed male and gave him a genuine smile this time. “The only thing different?” The raven-haired male walked back to the Wanna One center albeit a little unstable and placed the pills on the table along the way. He unconsciously let out a moan at the constant throbbing in his head, how come he didn’t realize this earlier?  With another deep breath, he looked back up at Daniel’s worried eyes. 

 

“Hyung, maybe you should take a rest. You don’t look so good.” The MMO trainee pointed out the instability in his movements and outstretched both arms on Seongwoo’s sides in case he suddenly falls. But the older male remained stubborn and shook his head, “I couldn’t feel a single emotion towards you anymore, not even being happy or sad towards your actions were doable” He continued to ramble as if Daniel has been quiet the whole time.

 

“It was frustrating. Really frustrating” Seongwoo reached out a hand to place it on Daniel’s cheek, but he hesitated just when his hands were a few centimeters away and instead settled on his shoulder. “I know I love you, I always have for a long time now… but it hurts knowing that I can’t even love you like I used to. Heck, I can’t even love you at all.”

 

Amidst his continuous rambling, his lips started to tremble as tears started pooling in his eyes when all his held back emotions were resurfacing. His vision started to blur because of what he initially thought were his tears. His vision itself seemed hazy that he suddenly felt like he was falling forward and expected to somehow fall on his face. The only time he realized that he actually fell was when he felt Daniel’s hands holding onto his arms while they were once again back on the floor. Seongwoo was feeling extremely dizzy, his head lolling around and repeatedly failing to get a clearer view of his surroundings. 

 

_Fuck, how many did I take?_

 

The world around him started to go blurry, eyes trying to focus on the brunette that tried to help him regain his focus. No matter what he did, be it a squint or a blink, his eyes wouldn’t focus. Even his breathing was becoming unstable, his intake of air only getting heavier as if the air wouldn’t stay in his lungs. He wasn’t quite sure, but Daniel was probably calling out to him. The only thing he was sure about was that he was now on the floor with Daniel holding him close to his chest. Seongwoo doesn’t know where the sudden surge of confidence came from but nonetheless he raised his hands and rested it on Daniel’s cheek making him cease all movement from shock.

 

They stayed still for a few moment before Seongwoo mustered up all the energy left and finally closed the gap, lips interlocking with Daniel’s. It was nothing sensual, it was pur and chaste that Daniel could practicality feel the sincerity radiating in waves. Seongwoo couldn’t tell whether Daniel kissed him back or if he even reacted at all. Unfortunately, His breathing has been fluctuating that he couldn’t keep the kiss for long and eventually had to pull away for another heavy intake of much needed oxygen. “I’m sorry and..” He said in a hushed whisper in the silence of the night air before leaving another desperate kiss on the younger male’s lips. “I loved you.. And I still do.. Always..” Seongwoo finished with a weak smile before his eyes finally gave in, vision slowly fading to black as he falls limp in Daniel’s arms.

  
  
  
  


 

“... Hyung?” Daniel whispered in a hushed voice it would have come out as inaudible but the dead silence of the room made it very clear. Yet, he received no response or movement from the other male. Daniel was finally brought back from reality and instantly carried the older male on his back. Luckily, their dorm was near a hospital for these kinds of moments and Daniel couldn’t be more thankful for it.

 

Seongwoo loved him all this time and not once did he ever notice. Just when he finally knew the truth, Seongwoo is now suffering from what he concluded was an overdose on painkillers. If he didn’t act soon then it could kill him. With no time to waste, Daniel immediately placed him on his back in a piggyback carry and ran towards the hospital. Ambulances would have been good too but the hospital was just near and the dispatch of the ambulance could possibly drain time.

 

Although running would have been tiring too, it didn’t matter to Daniel as long as Seongwoo would live. He can worry about his physical state later, but right now he was willing to do what he can to make sure Seongwoo lived. Seongwoo dying would surely be the last thing he wants to happen today. Heck, he doesn’t even want it to happen.

 

_It’s going to be okay.. he’s going to be okay.._

 

Daniel repeated those words over and over in his head but he couldn’t help but worry. Seongwoo was now balancing himself on the line between life and death.. and it was all his fault. He should have been more attentive, he should have shown that he cares about the older male a lot, he shouldn’t have thought that he had no chance, and maybe…

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

… if he had been braver to confess his feelings then none of this would have happened in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats that! Again, this was literally my very first fanfic and it ended up being chaptered so constructive criticism is very much appreciated!
> 
> Thanks to all of you who actually read this 'til the end and hopefully I reached your expectations (If you even had any lol)   
> and to the last comment I read from elenyar, I coudn't reply of I would spoil it for you so I'm sorry for giving you another sad Hanahaki ending ; v ; 
> 
> Again, thanks to all the people who actually took their time reading this!


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